Thursday, January 17, 2008

Physical Therapy 101

So a guy walks into a doctor's office and says "Doc, you gotta help me. I smashed my toe into my coffee table this morning and now it's killing me. I think it's broken."

The doctor promptly rears back and punches the guy squarely in the nose, breaking it.

"What the hell'd you do that for?" the patient screams.

The doc says "Bet your toe doesn't hurt any more."

This, in a nut shell, is physical therapy. You go in to their office, complaining of one kind of pain. They then put you through a bunch of exercises so that when you leave, nine other things hurts. Nice!

In my case, the idea is that if I strengthen the muscles around my knee cap, those muscles will hold it into place better, as well ease the pressure placed on the tendon behind it. I must admit that my knee felt a hell of a lot better when I left, however my hip muscles hurt like a son of a bitch. I have also learned that if there were an Olympic event where you squeeze a ball between your knees for ten sets of ten seconds each, there isn't a metal on the periodic table sufficient to express how poorly I'd do in the event. I can only hope that as time goes on, the exercises will get easier. However, at the same time, I know that once I get better at these exercises, there are others waiting in the wings meant to make me feel like I'm a wishbone gripped in the gravy stained hands of your cousins at Thanksgiving dinner.

In more exciting news, I finished the vocal tour on Medium in Rock Band tonight as well as 5-starred "Dirty Little Secret" on Expert. For those looking to form an All-American Rejects tribute band, I await your call.

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