Friday, February 29, 2008

No Games Here

My wife mentioned this evening that all of my posts of late have been about games. It's hard to disagree with the truth, so tonight, no posts about games.

Instead I'm going to tell you something about my wife. When you've been with someone as long as Linda and I have been together (17 years in October) the smallest of things serve to further endear them to you. Not sure if it's because you've already been through the big moments and the part of the relationship where your partner shits butter cookies and rainbows and can do no wrong, and now you're living with a real life person with quirks and things that annoy you and as such, it's small things that matter more to remind you why you love them so damn much.

I don't know. At any rate, we have this store by where I work called "Boca Bargoons". I couldn't tell you what's in it, but it appears to be eastern Indian and other Asian home items, and possibly carpets. It doesn't matter. What matters is that every time we pass the store, Linda says "Boca Bargoooooooons" in this silly, kind of way where it's like she's trying to a very bad Indian accent and hold out the oooooo part for a bit. It's just a silly thing she does, one of many. Wednesday, I found myself with nothing to do at lunch, and playing games on my DS was only making me fall asleep. I decided to go on a toy hunt to a Walmart that's fairly out of my way. To do so, I had to pass Boca Bargoons, and once I saw the store, without warning, in popped my head Linda saying "Boca Bargoooooooons". It caught me off guard, and it made me laugh, which is yet another reason why I love her, because she puts things in my head that catches me off guard and makes me laugh at the same time.

It's a little thing, but it's enough.

Turnabout Speed

Now that's what I call fast. Wednesday I finished my Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney review and today it is up for your enjoyment. Kapow! Those that enjoy the series will notice my nod to it in the title of today's post. Those that don't play it will think I'm my usual incompetent self.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

I Hate Informants

Seriously, I hate them. It's times like this, I'm not sure which I hate more, informants incapable of killing their own damn Templars, or the achievement that requires me to go and kill said Templars. At this point, I think it's a draw. I have one more informant left before I can do my final assassination and it's a doozy. Five kills in five minutes, they're all bunched up and the damn crazy people keep punching me. Maybe tomorrow night, when I'm coming in fresh I can take care of it, but tonight I was so pissed, I started assassinating citizens just to blow off steam. Don't mess with the pissed off assassin!

In other news, I'll be reviewing Lost: Via Domus for the 360. I have zero expectations as I remember being burned by the X-Files PC game years and years ago, but it's supposed to be short, fairly simple and an easy 1000 points. The fact that I'll get paid 50 bucks to play it is just gravy.

Finally, have you heard about the joy that is Puzzle Quest: Galactrix? It's Puzzle Quest, in space, but the board pieces are hexagonal and instead of the pieces falling just from the top, they may come in from the side, based on where your ship is. It's not supposed to drop until autumn, so between that and football season, you can go ahead and just hit the fast forward button right now.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Bomberman Land Review

My review of Bomberman Land for the Wii is up. Man, what a crappy game that was. Enjoy!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Steak, A Man's Job

I forgot to post this while Linda was away, but usually when she's gone, I use the opportunity to try out some new things in the kitchen. This time was no exception and what I was trying out was Alton Brown's steak recipe from Good Eats. It's pretty simple and you can find it on the Food Network site, but here it is, in a nutshell.

1. Get your 1.5 inch thick steak up to room temperature. I know that when grilling, opinions on this differ with proponents saying that cold meat retains all the juices in the center, thereby making it easier to dry out the edges. I'm assuming that those opposed to it aren't so much opposed to it but they just don't think you should deep six the idea of a steak dinner just because you forgot to take the meat out of the fridge 30 minutes before dinner.
2. Open all the windows in your kitchen and turn on whatever fans you have in the place. Trust me.
3. Take your dry cast iron skillet and place it in the oven. Preheat the oven to 500 degrees. It's important that the pan be dry as the pan is going to get stinking hot which means you'll have some damn hot oil there when you put the meat in. It's important that the pan be cast iron as Teflon will start giving off toxic fumes over400 degrees. If you want to burn down you're house from flaming gobbets of teflon covered oil while you choke to death, I guess that's your prerogative.
4. Once the oven gets to about 400 degrees, cover the steak on both sides with canola oil, salt and pepper, in that order. Don't salt the meat too early or you'll dry it out.
5. When the oven gets to 500 degrees, take the pan out (use potholders), and put it on the range on high heat.
6. Put the steak in the pan and cook it for 30 seconds. Don't touch it while it's cooking.
7. Flip the steak and then cook it for another 30 seconds. Again, don't touch it.
8. Put the steak/pan combo in the 500 degree oven for 2 minutes.
9. Take the pan out, flip the steak and then put it back in for another 2 minutes.
10. Take the pan and steak out and let the steak rest for another 2 minutes. I took it out of the pan, but I guess it's your choice. If you really want a great tasting steak, place a pat of butter on the steak while it rests.

For a steak that's about an inch and a half thick, this gives you a very tasty, medium-rare steak. If you want your steak more well done, add a minute to each side while you're cooking. Presumably you could add two per side if you want it closer to well done. I prefer my steaks still kicking so I wouldn't know.

Once you're done, put it on a plate with a huge baked potato, take the plate and a beer, put both on a ghastly place mat and then sit down to watch Transformers: Animated. You'll end up with something like this:

Oh yeah. Check out all that rare, beefy goodness. The steak had been in the freezer for almost a year, so the parts that were more than rare were a bit chewy, but the rare parts were like butter. Butter I tell you, butter! Had the steak been fresh, I bet it could have stood up to a little more time in the oven and been just as good. The kitchen smoked up like a son of a bitch, so I'm serious when I mention the part about opening the windows.

Incidentally, the title of this post comes from some cookbook from the 50's Linda and I found. The basis of it is that cooking is woman's work, except for steak which is a man's job, presumably because men used to stalk giant, prehistoric cows on the fields of yore, slay them and then roast their succulent flesh over an open fire while the women-folk tended to the children. It was pretty dang funny despite being horribly off base. I mean they forgot ribs. Ribs are a man's job too.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Ok, Break's Over

The wife is back, the children are happy to have the nicer parent home and it's time I should get back into posting on a regular basis. Not with anything substantial anyway, but at this point, anything is better than nothing. Maybe not. Really, I have no idea.

I've been playing a lot of Assassin's Creed of late and while it is a very beautiful game, there are some annoying design choices that mar the experience. For one, the informant missions are just plain annoying. The way it works is that when you get a new target, you have to do side missions in order to find out enough information about your target so that the local Assassination Bureau is confident that you won't fuck things up. Some of the side missions you do involve you going to an informant, a fellow assassin, and doing all of their dirty work so that they tell you stuff.

The informants fall into several categories. One guy, who you see multiple times, is just a dick and wants to make you jump around like a monkey before he'll help you. I get that. We all have coworkers who won't help us until we listen to their boring ass vacation stories, or get them a soda, or a cheese danish, or whatever. The other guys are either cowards or layabouts. Either they have to kill someone, but they don't know how, or they have to kill like nine guys and they want you to do it because, and these are two real reasons I've been given in the game, it's hot, or their back hurts. Seriously? You're part of a brotherhood of lethal killers, men who can slip in and out of a crowd and take out your target while the whole city is watching, and you can't nail your targets because it's too hot? It's fucking Damascus! It's hot city! Loser. It wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have to do all of these guys' work at your leisure, but no, you have time limits. Tonight I had to kill five guys in five minutes, while dodging the guards, flinging aside beggars, and getting punched by crazy/mentally deficient people. It ain't fun. Granted, I'm doing all of this so I can get an achievement, so I guess that makes me the mentally deficient one, but that's nothing new.

The free running stuff is definitely cool, and it seems to be a nice compliment to the system in Crackdown. Crackdown certainly gave you a much better superhero feeling to it as you jumped 30 foot gaps at a time, but this game is much more realistic in how your character finds footholds, and different grips to scale the different structures. As I said, it's all very impressive, on a technical level, and if I were playing the game without having to do all of the side missions, it'd probably be more fun, so some of the problems are of my own choosing, but at the same time, why put in side missions if they're not going to be any fun? I think that Crackdown struck a much better balance. The side missions, namely killing all of the gang leader's generals, had a tangible benefit on the killing of the gang leader in that there would be fewer gang members, or fewer guns, or whatever. In Assassin's Creed, the side missions don't really tell you anything you wouldn't figure out on your own as you go about casing the joint.

Despite all this, I'm still having fun playing the game, and the ramping up in difficulty seems to work fairly well. I'm not looking forward to the one versus one hundred fight at the end, but hey, it's all in a day's work. I'm sure I'm up to the task.

I'm also playing the new Apollo Justice game which is the sequel to the Phoenix Wright series, and so far I'm really enjoying it. It sticks to the same formula as the Phoenix Wright series, but there's some updates to it, as well as some more gentle prodding for those new to the series. This game also takes advantage of the DS's touch screen, which is something the Phoenix Wright series never did, with the exception of the last case in the first game. Granted, it's not huge things, but enough to make you have fun with the system. My review is due on Friday, so look for it in the coming weeks. After that I'm taking on God of War: Chains of Olympus for the PSP, Super Smash Brothers Brawl and Baroque for the Wii and Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword for the DS. That should bring me to the end of March. After that, I'm not sure as I haven't looked that far ahead in the release calendar. Once I figure it out, I'll be sure to let you know.

There. I think that catches us up nicely. Stay tuned for more endless rambling tomorrow.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Professor Layton review

My review for Professor Layton and the Curious Village is up and it gets a big old A from your's truly. Run and look for yourself!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Mr. Binky, Ace Reporter

It's been two weeks since the last Mr. Binky, so here's another one for you. It's not my best work. I had planned on doing a riff on Professor Layton, but everyone and their mother appeared to have the same idea. Such is the curse of the popular game. If you haven't played No More Heroes, I'm not sure how funny today's installment will be. Hell, even if you have played it, it probably isn't very funny. You try coming up with something humorous every other week and see how long it is until you run out of good ideas. Go on, I dare ya.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Sporadic Updates

The wife is traveling this week, which puts me on the spot for all things child related. This, combined with the fact that I finished Professor Layton early (don't wait for the review, just go and buy it) and can spend two full nights gaming without the review monkey on my back means that updates will be sporadic this week. I'll do my best to stick to our usual schedule, but after an evening of being the chief cook, bottle washer, laundress and child wrangler, when the time to sit down comes and I have to choose between the blog and Assassin's Creed, well, let's just say that there will be a few less Templars in the world.

I will comment that the new Batman Lego sets that they unveiled at Toy Fair means that I am seriously running out of space. The fact that my Collector's edition Batmobile is on the tv in my bedroom, and that my Alternator's Ravage and First Watch Optimus Prime are in the movie room means that my toys have already started to bleed out into the rest of the house, where the normal folk live. Between all of the Transformers and the new Lego sets, I literally have no space for it all. Time to build that addition we've always dreamed about. I know that you might be thinking that I don't have to buy the Batman Lego sets, but seriously, Harley Quinn drives a huge ATV equipped with a mallet labeled "Whack-A-Bat". How can I not have that?

I can't not have it. That's how. Sheesh. The nerve of some people.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Christmas in February

Oh, glorious of glorious weekends, Toy Fair '08 is upon is and with it, thrilling news of Transformers. I already read about the upcoming schedule, which looks like June for the Animated line and fall for the Universe (Classics 2.0) line. Today brought pictures of the Universe line, and for the most part, I'm quite happy.

You can check them out for yourself at Wizard's Toy Fair coverage site.

Really, the only one I don't like is Blaster. Soundwave is cool because he's Soundwave, not because he's a stealth bomber. Recoloring him into Blaster makes him just a poorly colored copy of Soundwave. That's just me though. The rest look pretty dang good. If the link to the Transformer story doesn't have pictures of Powerglide, you can see both forms in the Wizard Photo Gallery.

The other big piece of news today is the report from Japan that Toshiba is finally dropping support for HD-DVD. With that, my resolve in the face of a PS3 crumbles even further. I've resisted a PS3 up until this point because I have a hard time playing the three consoles I have, so getting another one doesnt make sense, however a PS3 would replace the PS2, so the number wouldn't increase. More importantly, I'd be scoring a Blu-Ray player that is future proof. I know that I've stated in this space before that I didn't like the idea of buying a PS3 because Sony upper management has been such a barrel of pricks, however I've got friends who are on their 5th or 6th 360 and I can assure you that Microsoft has no shortage of pricks working for them either. Yeah, Sony management may open their mouths on a regular basis and let a torrent of shit pour out, but at least owning a PS3 doesn't put you in a constant state of fear of hardware failure. I'm waiting to see what is announced at GDC, however if the rumor of a sub-300 40GB model comes to fruition, you can look for Mister Binky on the PSN. Besides, the more consoles I have, the greater pool I can draw from for reviews.

On that subject, I'll be rocking some pretty high profile reviews in the coming months, for both Super Smash Brothers Brawl and God of War for the PSP. I'd like to paint it as something having to do with my mammoth talent, but the truth is that we're working on a first come, first serve basis, and I happened to come first.

Ew. I think I'll stop now.

Friday, February 15, 2008


Tired. So...very...tired.

It was a long week and with Linda going away for most of next week, it's going to be even longer. For now, I have to play some Professor Layton and then I'm going to bed. My sweet, sweet bed.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

You Can't Spell "Fucking Stupid" without IGN


Sorry for the lack of a post yesterday. Between sick kids, general apathy and Professor Layton's steely grip, I didn't find, or make the time to be with you, my sweet, sweet audience. Will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me, especially on this, the day of St. Valentine? I can only hope you will.

Speaking of Professor Layton, the game continues to impress as only a puzzle/adventure game mash-up can. I know that all adventure games have puzzles in them, however unlike in traditional adventure games where the puzzle is you figuring out how to move a water buffalo off the road with a hex bolt and a dilithium crystal, Professor Layton does away with all of this nonsense and instead just offers some straight up puzzle madness in order for you to continue. Want someone to give you some more info on the rash of kidnappings? Here, solve this matchstick puzzle. On the face of it, it makes as little sense as the puzzles you find in a traditional adventure game, however it's a lot more palatable in this game as, in real life you could probably get that water buffalo off of the road with other things you have in your inventory, or just walk around the damn thing, however in real life if someone doesn't want to tell you something until you solve their damnable riddles, there's not much you can do about it, short of inflicting bodily harm. At least I find it more palatable, and seeing how I'm reviewing it, my opinion is the one that matters. Tee-hee-hee.

Speaking of reviews, thereby getting us to the idea behind the post's title, IGN's review of Professor Layton dropped and it has to be one of the dumbest reviews I've ever read. There is a certain lack of quality I've come to expect from IGN, as I'm sure all of you have, however this takes the cake. The score isn't really an issue, as an 8 out of 10 is perfectly fine, if a bit low in my estimation, it's the reasoning behind the score I have a problem with. Part of this fellow's problem with the game is that it doesn't prevent you from cheating. According to the reviewer, you can answer a question incorrectly and then turn it off and turn it back on so that you basically get a free shot at answering it again. Never mind the fact that multiple choice questions make up about 25% of the questions and that for the other questions that require you to move a matchstick, or enter a numerical answer you could be turning your DS on and off literally dozens of times before stumbling upon the right answer, the fact of the matter is that it's not the developer's job to program in ways to keep you from cheating, especially from cheating in a manner that involved you cutting power to the fucking device. Plus, not only is this person stupid enough to think that he should be kept from cheating, but even his cheating is stupid. You can go online and get the answers to every puzzle as Japan is on their third Professor Layton game, and with the exception of a handful of puzzles, all of the puzzles are the same between the US and Japanese version of Curious Village. Maybe Level should have programmed in a signal that disables any internet connection within a 500 foot radius so that you can't go online and figure out the answer.

I'm the first to admit that reviews are subjective and the game is not completely without fault, however to knock a game because it doesn't prevent you from, or penalize you for turning your DS on and off to get around getting a wrong answer for only 25% of the game's puzzles is patently stupid. If I pulled that shit, Bill would have my balls for door knockers. No wonder publishers have contempt for games journalism, although I'm loathe to call this journalism if this kind of shit is regularly allowed.


Anyway, enjoy your Valentine's Day. Unless you're single, at which point you should just hunker down and ignore the love struck morons all around you. Tomorrow the roses will die, the candy will melt and they'll go back to hating each other.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


As of this writing, I am 2/3 of the way done with Mass Effect having finished my second run through, the Hardcore one, this evening. All that's left is the insane run and getting to level 60, as well as some other achievement mop ups. Saying I'm 2/3 of the way done is actually optimistic as I'm sure I'll have to start a 4th run to get to level 60 as well as a 5th run to get my last two Biotic achievements. It's an achievement whore's life for me. Yo-ho-ho and all that. Despite the final side missions being a total drag, the last few hours of this game are still a rush, and are unmatched by anything out there today. Them folks at BioWare sure do know how to make some epic cut scenes. I'm going to wait to do the third run through for some time as I have No More Heroes to play as well as a bunch of review games coming up. Someone has to review Wii ATV racing games, so it might as well be me.

In other news, my son is sick with some sort of viral infection that caused his lymph nodes to swell up like large walnuts. He's either sick, or his neck is hulking out and is corded with rage. Given that he's not green and isn't jumping around the house wearing nothing but purple pants, I'm going with sick. Unlike my daughter, who requires near constant attention when sick, when not sick too, come to think of it, my son is content to lie on the couch all day and watch cartoons. I have been using this experience as an opportunity to get him all caught up on both The Batman and Justice League cartoons. My fondest wish is that he'd like Batman: The Animated Series but I think he'd just find it quaint. After an entire day of nothing but those cartoons, I can say that I'm a wee bit sick of superheroes at the moment. Luckily tomorrow is Linda's day to stay with him, so I get a day's break before Thursday, when I'm sure the foul grip of contagion will still be upon him.

The toy hunt has been temporarily suspended as Monday I was able to score both an Incinerator and a Stockade at Target. Yay for me. I'll post pictures at some time, but both are pretty good toys, even though I ripped Incinerator's one leg off something like nine times while transforming him. I'm sure he was thrilled at that. Now there's nothing left to do but wait until the Classics 2.0 and Animated series lines are released. Not sure when Classics 2.0 is coming out, but the Animated line drops in June. It can't come soon enough. I may still get the First Watch Optimus Prime with his cool ass G1 color scheme, but those are everywhere, so there's no need to hunt.

Finally, I bought Professor Layton and the Curious Village for review purposes, and am loving every minute of it. Even if I didn't have to review it, I would have purchased it so take that for whatever it's worth. As an extra bonus, I get to review a good game. I'll have to make sure my praise isn't too over the top, so glad am I to be able to rate something above a C. Good times. Good times, indeed.

Olympic Fans Rejoice!

My review of Mario and Sonic at the Olympics for the DS is up. I'd make some joke about how it takes the gold, but that would be lame. Besides, my writing garners Bronze at best.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

The Plateau

So I was reading the AJC yesterday and they had an article about some local bowling alleys, particularly about one that has a Seniors league. Now, I've been struggling with my bowling of late and I was already feeling bad about my scores until I read the following:

"After three rounds, the group's most determined bowler, Frederick Barton, 67, can be found practicing on the lanes.

He averages about 135, despite a bad eye and prosthetic leg."

Oh yeah. Nothing makes you feel good about your abilities like reading that you regularly get outscored by the 67 year old, half-blind amputee.

Hodge, my coworker and fellow bowler seems to think that I have reached the inevitable plateau that anyone taking up a new sport/activity reaches and that working through the plateau is the only way to get better. I have to agree, the alternative being the grim realization that, like with every other sport I've ever tried, I suck at bowling. Given that I just dropped 70 bucks on a rolling, 2 ball bag, it's not like I'll be quitting any time soon, but it'll go easier if I think that I'm working towards improved scores, rather than just bowling 120's for the rest of my days.

Luckily, it looks like the Development team is tired of my QA team not putting up a challenge week in and week out, and does not feel the competitive spirit burn within their breasts. Honestly, I can't blame them as we pretty much suck. As a result, I think we'll be moving to new teams which will hopefully give some folks who usually have no chance of winning, a chance. Given that my coworkers rely on me for pretty much every aspect of bowling, I'm comfortable wielding my mighty Bowling Commissioner power and dissolving the teams. We'll see how that flies with the rest of the team, but frankly, I'm tired of losing and unless they want to start organizing the trips to the alley, driving, and keeping score they'll agree to it. That is until the QA team gets better and we can put the teams back together and kick their ass. It should only take another few years at the rate I'm going. If you know of any professional bowlers who want a job testing software, send them my way.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Drop It Like It's Yahtz

When we went on vacation this past summer, Linda and I brought Uno while my mom and sister brought Yahtzee and much fun was had by all, particularly me as I was en fuego as the kids would say, sweeping one entire evening of gameplay.

Alas, it would appear that the fuego has been put out.

A couple of weeks back, Linda "suggested" that she and I spend some more times playing games together, rather than me playing with the DS or the PSP when I'm watching tv. The married portion of my audience will understand what the quotes surrounding that word mean. Linda has a long, proud history of completely destroying me at any card game that we play, however given my success at Yahtzee last summer, I figured that maybe board games would work better. Thus, Yahtzee was brought into the home. I also ordered Lost Cities and Mystery Rummy: Jekyll and Hyde from Amazon to bring even more game playing goodness into the home. I realize that both of these games are card based, but as they're not traditional card games, I felt safe ordering them.

That is, until last evening.

I felt particularly good about my chances before sitting down to the table, spreading the dice out before me and starting up the latest episode of the new Terminator show. By the way, I have no idea what happened in that show this past week, but man Summer Glau is fucking hot. Christ.

But I digress. Whatever Yahtzee spirit that guided my hand in May has completely abandoned me as my score sank deeper and deeper into the mire as every throw resulted in a zero. Were it possible to sell my soul for a large straight, I would have. By the third game, things stared coming my way, allowing me to pull a victory out, but by then I had been beaten two games to one and it was getting late. I have determined that Linda's gaming mojo must be hindered when there are others playing with us, however when it's just me to beat up, she can bring the full power of her destructive force to bear on my unsuspecting person.

Despite being beaten, and not only beaten, but nary a Yahtzee was thrown among us, I'm still looking forward to our games arriving and more gaming at home. It is nice to interact with Linda over a game, even if it heralds my crushing defeat and there are certainly plenty of games to choose from. Unfortunately she has no interest in the upcoming Risk: Black Ops, but maybe if I lose enough she'll feel sorry for me and play it with me. Doubtful, but there's always hope. I'm just glad she doesn't bowl. I don't think my ego could handle it.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

My Failing Vision

For the past few years, my LASIK'd eyes, more specifically, my right eye, has been getting less and less efficient at referring clear visual information to my brain. In other words, I don't see so good.

I originally thought that it was because the LASIK was wearing off, as it is known to do, however the last time I went to the eye doctor, I was told that I have developed astigmatism in my right eye, a far cry from the nearsightedness that plagued me as a youth. Unfortunately, this morning, when I closed my left eye and looked at my computer screen, I realized I couldn't see for shit out of my right eye. Crap.

Luckily, the place where I got my LASIK done, by the same doctor who did Tiger Woods's eyes no less, gives free touch ups for life, as long as you get regular check ups and don't stick a pencil in your eye. I have successfully done the former and avoided the latter, so hopefully I'll be eligible, however given that my recent blindness is due to a new condition, rather than a reemergence of my past condition, I'm not so sure. Linda said I can get the procedure done even if we have to pay for all of it, but I'm not so sure that's where I want our money to go. We do have bathrooms that need to be redone. Besides, with my glasses on, I feel closer to my people.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Tips for Successful Physical Therapy

Now that I'm halfway through my PT, I have some tips to make similar experiences easier for all of you. I know that it's terribly, terribly generous of me to do such a thing, but really it's no problem. I suffer so that you might learn.

1. Your physical therapist may seem like a nice person, but make no mistake, these people are trained in the art of torture and they have no problem using all of their dark tools on you. After all, it is their job to do so. Oh sure, they'll ask you if you're feeling any pain in the problem area while you're doing the exercises, but that's only so that they might refine their plans to bring pain to all of your other areas. Remember, the point of Physical Therapy is to make other parts of your body scream in pain so that your problem area doesn't feel like as much of a problem.

2. If, after several weeks of PT, your problem area isn't having any more problems, and as a result of this, a little voice is telling you that you don't have to do your daily exercises any more, take this voice by the neck, stuff it in the smallest box you can find, and then toss it in the river. This voice is evil and seeks to only cause you more pain. Not doing your daily exercises will keep your surrounding muscles from being as strong as they need to be for your next session, which means that when your therapist tells you to 400 calf raises while holding seven 40 lb bags of feed, the muscle won't be up for the task and will rip itself out of your body and commit suicide. Then you'll have to explain to your coworkers why you only have one calf muscle.

3. If your PT session is first thing in the morning, you may think that skipping breakfast and your morning coffee will help you save time. This is true, but the resulting loss of energy will cause your leg to shake uncontrollably while performing stretches. This will make the other therapy patients stare at you and be concerned for your safety. Granted, they won't do anything to help as your death may bring them some respite as the therapists fall upon your corpse and devour it, but it's never nice to have Gladys the 74 year old staring at you because your leg is shaking like an epileptic after an episode of Pokemon.

4. When your therapist asks you if you're feeling any pain answering with "Of course I am you devil beast, is that not your foul purpose?!" not only decrease the likelihood that you'll be able to return, damning you to a back alley physical therapist, but it also gives your therapist even more pleasure to see you squirm under their black thumb. Why give them more of your suffering to feast upon?

As you can tell, I've learned a lot in these past few weeks, and I can only imagine the new things I'll learn in the next few. Maybe I'll even learn to walk normally again. At this point, I can only dream.

A Change of Pace

There's a new Mr. Binky today that isn't a top ten. Shocking! I tried to do something new this time, and while it sounded good in my head, and read well when I first wrote it, now I'm not so sure. Oh well, I guess the only way I'm going to get better at these things is to try new things. They can't all be fake interviews and bulleted lists. On the plus side, I had a fun time writing it, even if that fun has now been diminished by the notion that it's probably crap.

Curse my low self esteem.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Excuses, Excuses

I didn't post tonight because I'm putting this together:

You literally have to put the treads together one link at a time, 79 links per tread. After an hour and a half of bending over the thing, my back hurts and my eyes are squirrely. Yes, I said squirrely.

Now it's time for bed. Hopefully my dog won't throw up like she did last night. Twice.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

A Long Time Coming

Congratulations to Darrell Green and Art Monk for their election to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. This is Monk's 8th year on the ballot and as a Redskins fan, I'm super proud that two of our guys are being inducted in the same year.

Art Monk is synonymous with Redskins Football to me, as he was a key offensive player for so many of the years I've been a fan. The fact that it took so long for him to be inducted sucks, but I'm glad that he finally got his due.

Darrell Green is one of the best all around players, and probably one of the best examples of a "True Redskin" to ever put on the burgundy and gold. He spent his entire career with the organization and rather than be flashy and do nothing but talk trash, he just consistently performed year after year. My 70th anniversary Redskins jersey is Green's jersey and whenever I feel like we need a full team effort, I wear it, because to me, he embodies what it means to be a Redskin more than any other player.

This past year was a rough one, and with the current coaching search, I don't have high hopes for next year, so having these two guys getting in to the Hall of Fame is a nice boost, because it brings back a lot of memories of when the NFC East was the division to beat, and all roads to the Super Bowl went through Washington.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Der Slippage

I wrote a piece for GameShark about the games you won't be playing this year and alas, it is up and running. I left out the obvious Duke Nukem Forever's and Spore, but I'm kicking myself over forgetting Mercenaries 2. Stupid me!