Tuesday, April 03, 2007

A Healthy Glow

Lots to talk about today. So much, in fact, that we're going to do an unprecedented double post, partly to make up for not writing anything yesterday and partly because the two topics at the forefront of my brain don't go together. As is to be expected, one of the posts regards some robots who may or may not be in disguise. That post require pictures, so it will have to wait until tonight. I will give you a coming attraction though...


Aw yeah.

Guitar Hero 2 for the 360 comes out today. I'll have some impressions tomorrow as well as some insight into my world of console guilt. Thrilling stuff.

Now that it's spring and the temperatures are starting to rise, I find myself faced with the age old problem of being a disgusting sweaty bastard.

Some background first. I wasn't always like this. Much like my weight gain, I'm not exactly sure when it happened, but at some point, I started to get a little wet around the edges when the temperature got even slightly elevated. Lucky for me, this isn't limited to simply being outside as I can manage to break out in a sweat in the middle of winter if the heat is running just a wee bit too much. Fall and early spring are hell for me as I have to wear a coat outside, but in the car I'm so hot that you'd think I just ran a marathon.

Like ear hair and enlarged noses, the problem appears to be getting worse as I get older. I now sweat while bowling, which is probably the most telling remark I can make in regards to my physical shape. I don't feel like I'm exerting myself, and I doubt my heart rate would reflect it, but I appear to be so out of shape that I sweat while playing a sport that has a professional tour sponsored by Denny's. When you're tired out by a sport sponsored by the makers of the Lumberjack Slam, you need to reevaluate your priorities.

And so I have. I'm pretty sure that my increased moisture level is directly correlated to my increased size, and while I haven't gotten so large as to require new clothing, I have gotten large enough so that I can't hide beneath my existing clothing. Here's a weight loss tip from me to you: wear baggy clothes. I've also gotten large enough to where I appear to be sweating more rather than less. Fat and wet is enough to shatter even my own rock hard self-image so something has to change.

Yesterday I went out and tried on rollerblades to help me usher in a new era of fitness. As I was taking the skates off and chatting up the friendly female clerk, I started sweating. Yes, I took a few laps in the store to ensure a good fit, but it wasn't the physical exertion of skating that caused it, it was the act of removing the skate. When you get sweaty taking off exercise equipment that's a sign that you shouldn't leave the store without purchasing said equipment. It also helped to remind me how very, very little game I have. It's not like the clerk was the spitting image of Kristen Bell and I was nervous by being in the presence of her beauty. I was simply sweating for no other reason than to sweat. Now, I know I'm no feast for the eyes but I like to think my personality makes up for it, as long as I don't talk about any of the things I find remotely interesting. Sweating profusely while trying to have a normal conversation probably negates any personality bonuses unless I'm talking to someone who likes sweaty men, in which case, ew. On the plus side, I appear to have very healthy sweat glands, a turn on if ever there was one.

Thankfully, the gym in my building will be opening soon thereby making it as convenient as it can possibly be to work out and removing all barriers save my colussal laziness in one fell swoop. It will literally be 50 yards from my office so I really have no reason to not go and get on a treadmill 3 times a week. The fact that our building will also have a shower will help as now I can take advantage of the miles and miles of trails that run behind my office building and beyond and not smell like a rendering plant upon my return. Clearly something needs to be done before the temps regularly dip into the 90's around here and I look like I took my lunch break in the dunk tank. If I can also lose enough weight to successfully stop exercising and hide beneath big t-shirts, all the better, however at this point I'd be happy with just being able to continue to eat a bunch of crap and not get any bigger. Being fat and sweaty may not do wonders for my self image, but a caramel apple pie sure helps to take the pain away. Mmmmm, unhealhy eating.

I'll try and keep you posted on my progress, but to be honest, I find exercise so boring that I can barely bring myself to do it much less write about it. I doubt I'll end up being one of those people who get so into it they get high off of it as I have worked out, at length, in the past, and the most exciting thing about it was my ability to keep dipping my fries in mayo. Mayo dipped fries, on the other hand, is a subject I could write about at length. Well, at girth anyways.

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