Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Marvel Trading Card Game review
My review for the Marvel Trading Card Game for the DS is up at GameShark. Just thought you'd like to know.
Friday, July 27, 2007
The Weekly Standard
Once again, I have left you, dear reader, high and dry with nary an update on my life and its twists and turns. Oh how it must make you weep to see the same boring posts day after day as you excitedly refresh your browser. It makes me weep also.
I had planned on posting earlier in the week, but alas, things came up. Namely, the guy who was supposed to review "The Darkness" for GameShark was visited by the ruby tinged spectre, the Red Rings of Death, and no longer has a working 360. As I was about half way done with the game, I offered my services up, powered through it and wrote a review. It hasn't been posted yet, but I till tell you that I enjoyed it immensely. More on that later. Now, what does me writing a review have to do with not posting? I'll tell you.
I have a finite well of ink and wit (the wit well is much, much smaller than the inkwell) and if I use either up to write something, I have a hard time refilling it for something else. This is how I know that I couldn't ditch my day job and become a full time freelance writer who flits from project to project. I know that the best thing a writer can do is write, all forms included, as it helps hone's one's skills, but it doesn't make it any easier to actually do it. Also, from a practical standpoint, work has been busier and now that I'm reviewing games, oftentimes, my "free" time isn't free anymore. Oh sure, I'm playing games, but you'd be surprised how unappealing that notion becomes when you're slogging through your third Transformers game. Oh, almighty dollar, why must you tempt me so?
I also think that part of the problem is that I got married to the idea of this site being less of a blog and more of a column back when I first started it, and had dreams of becoming the next Dave Barry. Because of that, I don't feel like I can write things unless I have a full column structure in my head and that's becoming increasingly harder to do as I become older and more scatterbrained. If I can learn how to be funny in smaller chunks that are written more frequently, I think most of my problems will be solved. Oh sure, I can write the longer pieces when I need to, but smaller and more frequent may be the way to go. It's strange that I think I have to write a certain way because I feel that people don't want to come here and revel in the minutia of my life while I check my friends' sites every day for just that. I guess I expect my readers to be smarter than I am and want more out of their leisure time. Kidding!
I've been hanging out at the Blog for the Sports Gamer more often these days. I used to hang out there before the Great Football Ban was placed on our home like a death shroud, but recently came back as both Dan and Bill, two of the site's contributors, work for GameShark. They write more about non-sports gaming things than they used to, so despite my complete and total ignorance about most sports and sports games, I can usually find something of interest there. Plus, at times Bill will drop some knowledge about the inner workings of GameShark which I always find fascinating. It's also interesting from an anthropological perspective as I've always felt decidedly un-male due to my lack of interest in professional sports. Oh sure, I love football, but more so, I love the Redskins and they happen to be a football team. If I didn't have a team to route for, I wouldn't follow the sport, as witnessed by my ambivalence towards college football. Reading about their interest is vaguely interesting, that is until they start discussing which sliders need to be adjusted to get the various football video games to act appropriately and not like your cornerbacks are on 'ludes. 'Ludes man. Fucking 'ludes!
Back to The Darkness. I daresay that I loved this game. I won't talk about too much and instead will just point you to the review when it drops, but I will tell you that I was sad to see it end, partially because I wasn't going to be able to play it any more, but mostly because I really liked the character of Jackie Estacado and enjoyed spending time with him. Granted, I was him in the game, so that helped. I'm not sure if I would want to go out and grab a beer with him given that at any moment he might impale me and devour my heart. I've seen it happen.
I've obtained all but 6 of the achievements in the game, which is a pretty high success rate for my slacker ass. Unfortunately, the 100 wins in a MP match achievement was 22 wins away from my grasp when a nasty bug reared it's ugly head and reverted me back to 50 wins. If you play matches with automatic map rotation turned on, the game doesn't save the number of wins unless you enter into the single player mode and do something that saves your game. Bummer. Given that I obtained the wins in a less than sportsmanlike manner, it's hard to get too upset, however if I had been battling it out in public matches, I'd be pretty pissed. I guess this is what happens when you tack on multiplayer. Let this be a lesson to developers and gamers alike, sometimes a good single player mode is all you need!
Through various bouts of game trading I have managed to pay for Metroid Prime 3, Mass Effect, Mercenaries 2 and Super Smash Bros. Brawl. In any other year, you would count me as being done for the holiday season with all major releases covered however this season is an anomaly that will try man's soul and wallet and as such, I have barely made a dent in the onslaught. Note the lack of mention of Bioshock, Two Worlds, Stranglehold, Jericho, Halo 3, Super Mario Galaxy, Phoenix Wright 3 and The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass. On the plus side, when I finished my bought and paid for games, there will be no shortage of excellent titles to move on to. On the negative side, there isn't enough time in the day to play all of these games. I can only hope that the Jan - Feb months prove to be their usual gaming wasteland, devoid of quality titles, as publishers and developers alike expect gamers to be fat and happy, sated from the feast of holiday releases placed before them. Only then will I be able to give all of these titles the love and care they deserve.
I had planned on posting earlier in the week, but alas, things came up. Namely, the guy who was supposed to review "The Darkness" for GameShark was visited by the ruby tinged spectre, the Red Rings of Death, and no longer has a working 360. As I was about half way done with the game, I offered my services up, powered through it and wrote a review. It hasn't been posted yet, but I till tell you that I enjoyed it immensely. More on that later. Now, what does me writing a review have to do with not posting? I'll tell you.
I have a finite well of ink and wit (the wit well is much, much smaller than the inkwell) and if I use either up to write something, I have a hard time refilling it for something else. This is how I know that I couldn't ditch my day job and become a full time freelance writer who flits from project to project. I know that the best thing a writer can do is write, all forms included, as it helps hone's one's skills, but it doesn't make it any easier to actually do it. Also, from a practical standpoint, work has been busier and now that I'm reviewing games, oftentimes, my "free" time isn't free anymore. Oh sure, I'm playing games, but you'd be surprised how unappealing that notion becomes when you're slogging through your third Transformers game. Oh, almighty dollar, why must you tempt me so?
I also think that part of the problem is that I got married to the idea of this site being less of a blog and more of a column back when I first started it, and had dreams of becoming the next Dave Barry. Because of that, I don't feel like I can write things unless I have a full column structure in my head and that's becoming increasingly harder to do as I become older and more scatterbrained. If I can learn how to be funny in smaller chunks that are written more frequently, I think most of my problems will be solved. Oh sure, I can write the longer pieces when I need to, but smaller and more frequent may be the way to go. It's strange that I think I have to write a certain way because I feel that people don't want to come here and revel in the minutia of my life while I check my friends' sites every day for just that. I guess I expect my readers to be smarter than I am and want more out of their leisure time. Kidding!
I've been hanging out at the Blog for the Sports Gamer more often these days. I used to hang out there before the Great Football Ban was placed on our home like a death shroud, but recently came back as both Dan and Bill, two of the site's contributors, work for GameShark. They write more about non-sports gaming things than they used to, so despite my complete and total ignorance about most sports and sports games, I can usually find something of interest there. Plus, at times Bill will drop some knowledge about the inner workings of GameShark which I always find fascinating. It's also interesting from an anthropological perspective as I've always felt decidedly un-male due to my lack of interest in professional sports. Oh sure, I love football, but more so, I love the Redskins and they happen to be a football team. If I didn't have a team to route for, I wouldn't follow the sport, as witnessed by my ambivalence towards college football. Reading about their interest is vaguely interesting, that is until they start discussing which sliders need to be adjusted to get the various football video games to act appropriately and not like your cornerbacks are on 'ludes. 'Ludes man. Fucking 'ludes!
Back to The Darkness. I daresay that I loved this game. I won't talk about too much and instead will just point you to the review when it drops, but I will tell you that I was sad to see it end, partially because I wasn't going to be able to play it any more, but mostly because I really liked the character of Jackie Estacado and enjoyed spending time with him. Granted, I was him in the game, so that helped. I'm not sure if I would want to go out and grab a beer with him given that at any moment he might impale me and devour my heart. I've seen it happen.
I've obtained all but 6 of the achievements in the game, which is a pretty high success rate for my slacker ass. Unfortunately, the 100 wins in a MP match achievement was 22 wins away from my grasp when a nasty bug reared it's ugly head and reverted me back to 50 wins. If you play matches with automatic map rotation turned on, the game doesn't save the number of wins unless you enter into the single player mode and do something that saves your game. Bummer. Given that I obtained the wins in a less than sportsmanlike manner, it's hard to get too upset, however if I had been battling it out in public matches, I'd be pretty pissed. I guess this is what happens when you tack on multiplayer. Let this be a lesson to developers and gamers alike, sometimes a good single player mode is all you need!
Through various bouts of game trading I have managed to pay for Metroid Prime 3, Mass Effect, Mercenaries 2 and Super Smash Bros. Brawl. In any other year, you would count me as being done for the holiday season with all major releases covered however this season is an anomaly that will try man's soul and wallet and as such, I have barely made a dent in the onslaught. Note the lack of mention of Bioshock, Two Worlds, Stranglehold, Jericho, Halo 3, Super Mario Galaxy, Phoenix Wright 3 and The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass. On the plus side, when I finished my bought and paid for games, there will be no shortage of excellent titles to move on to. On the negative side, there isn't enough time in the day to play all of these games. I can only hope that the Jan - Feb months prove to be their usual gaming wasteland, devoid of quality titles, as publishers and developers alike expect gamers to be fat and happy, sated from the feast of holiday releases placed before them. Only then will I be able to give all of these titles the love and care they deserve.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Random Bits
I'm not feeling the narrative today, so instead I'll just blather on about my pointless activities. Yay!
Reviews
I haven't posted any more links to reviews because I haven't had any more reviews posted. Not for lack of trying, that's for sure. I've written two more reviews for GameShark since my Transformers movie review, they just haven't been posted yet. There's still a lot of info from E3 to get posted, which is somewhat time sensitive so it makes sense to post that stuff first. Of course, it's not my decision to make, so what makes sense doesn't matter much in this regard. I wrote 'em and I'll invoice for 'em. What the site does with them is up to them. I've got some pretty interesting games in the pipeline including, but not limited to Alien Syndrome and Boogie for the Wii. At any rate, once my stuff goes up, I'll post a link for all to read. I can give you a sneak peak and let you know that my streak of not liking a god damned thing has been maintained.
On that note, some of my coworkers think I'm being too harsh on these games, to which I respond thusly: whatevah! I'm trying to tell people if it's worth dropping their hard earned cash on a game. To do that, I have to point out the things that I think detract from a game's value, as well as add to it. It just so happens that the games I've reviewed so far had more things that took away from the value than added to it. I think I've explained things in such a way that any reasonably intelligent reader will be able to decide for themselves if the things I'm knocking the games for would be an issue for them. If I'm not, and the review is just a big "this game sucked but it's not clear why" statement, then I obviously have a problem and need to rethink how I do things. That being said, my short term reviewing schedule, including things that have yet to be posted and the next two games I'm doing (not the two I just mentioned) won't do much to change my coworkers' perceptions.
Harry Potter
Linda and I saw the latest movie yesterday and while we both enjoyed it, I think either of the previous two rank higher. I'm torn between my love of Cuaron's work on "Azkaban" and the sheer amount of mayhem in "Goblet of Fire". At any rate, fans of the movie series will find lots to enjoy in this one but upon the picture's end, will want to just jump ahead to the next movie.
Linda and I both have the book preordered for delivery on or before Saturday. I can only hope that my selective media blackout will help keep me from being spoiled. The big death at the end of the last book was ruined for me by some asshole morning disc jockey who has, thankfully, since been let go. Fuck you, Fred Toucher. Since I can't listen to terrestrial radio without blood streaming from my ears, I think I'll be safe from that. Now I just have to hope that the rest of the media world understands that not everyone has the ability to read a 800 page book in one night and keeps their collective pie hole shut for at least a week. I honestly have no idea how this one is going to end and I'd hate for it to be ruined by some dickheaded AP reporter who's dealing with a slow news day.
Coffee
An odd topic, I realize, but just go with it. I started ordering flavored coffee from The Coffee Fool a few months ago and I thought I'd spread the word. Oddly enough, I found out about them from a targeted ad in my Gmail inbox. I usually don't touch those ads with a 10 foot pool, but this one, entitled "The 10 things coffee CEO's don't want you to know" intrigued me. What made me order was the sheer number of flavored offerings they have, most, if not all of which are available in decaf. Finding good, flavored decaf for my nighttime consumption has been a thorn in my side for years. A man can't live on hazelnut alone!
Anyways, the African Cinnamon is excellent (I'm enjoying a pot as I write this) as is the Chocolate Mint and the Banana Nut. I just got an order of the Chocolate Espresso in and it is slowly becoming my new favorite. The flavors meld together very well and it's the perfect brew to enjoy with that nightly dessert. Mmmmm, nightly dessert. No, I haven't lost any weight, but that's another story. Order processing is fast and I've always gotten my stuff within 2 - 3 days. You also get a discount as you order more and more stuff, and you can set up regular shipments if you find a flavor schedule that works for you. Give 'em a try and help to loosen the stranglehold that Millstone has on the coffee world.
The Darkness
I'm currently playing The Darkness for the 360 and this is one damn fine game. The voice acting is superb, which makes quite the difference. The Darkness powers are well done, and devouring hearts has never been so fun! Actually, I don't know if devouring hearts has ever been fun, so take that last comment with a grain of salt. Should you be in need of a good gaming experience for your 360 (or PS3 if you swing that way) I highly recommend it. It can be completed well in time for the upcoming deluge of titles too and the lack of a ranked match requirement for the multiplayer achievements makes it boost friendly, as my Gamer Tag would attest to. Anyone who has ever played mulitplayer anything with me knows that I couldn't get 50 flag captures in my wildest dreams. Ah boosting, is there nothing you can't do?
Paula Dean is My Hero
I long for the days when I'm old and retired and can spend the day out on my massive deck, the river gurgling in the background, grilling and cooking and making all manner of tasty delights while my husband does yard work. I'm prepared to marry a man to make this happen if I have to. I also appreciate Paula's love of butter, as I love it too! Longevity is overrated. I've got my life insurance policy. I say bring on the butter!
Reviews
I haven't posted any more links to reviews because I haven't had any more reviews posted. Not for lack of trying, that's for sure. I've written two more reviews for GameShark since my Transformers movie review, they just haven't been posted yet. There's still a lot of info from E3 to get posted, which is somewhat time sensitive so it makes sense to post that stuff first. Of course, it's not my decision to make, so what makes sense doesn't matter much in this regard. I wrote 'em and I'll invoice for 'em. What the site does with them is up to them. I've got some pretty interesting games in the pipeline including, but not limited to Alien Syndrome and Boogie for the Wii. At any rate, once my stuff goes up, I'll post a link for all to read. I can give you a sneak peak and let you know that my streak of not liking a god damned thing has been maintained.
On that note, some of my coworkers think I'm being too harsh on these games, to which I respond thusly: whatevah! I'm trying to tell people if it's worth dropping their hard earned cash on a game. To do that, I have to point out the things that I think detract from a game's value, as well as add to it. It just so happens that the games I've reviewed so far had more things that took away from the value than added to it. I think I've explained things in such a way that any reasonably intelligent reader will be able to decide for themselves if the things I'm knocking the games for would be an issue for them. If I'm not, and the review is just a big "this game sucked but it's not clear why" statement, then I obviously have a problem and need to rethink how I do things. That being said, my short term reviewing schedule, including things that have yet to be posted and the next two games I'm doing (not the two I just mentioned) won't do much to change my coworkers' perceptions.
Harry Potter
Linda and I saw the latest movie yesterday and while we both enjoyed it, I think either of the previous two rank higher. I'm torn between my love of Cuaron's work on "Azkaban" and the sheer amount of mayhem in "Goblet of Fire". At any rate, fans of the movie series will find lots to enjoy in this one but upon the picture's end, will want to just jump ahead to the next movie.
Linda and I both have the book preordered for delivery on or before Saturday. I can only hope that my selective media blackout will help keep me from being spoiled. The big death at the end of the last book was ruined for me by some asshole morning disc jockey who has, thankfully, since been let go. Fuck you, Fred Toucher. Since I can't listen to terrestrial radio without blood streaming from my ears, I think I'll be safe from that. Now I just have to hope that the rest of the media world understands that not everyone has the ability to read a 800 page book in one night and keeps their collective pie hole shut for at least a week. I honestly have no idea how this one is going to end and I'd hate for it to be ruined by some dickheaded AP reporter who's dealing with a slow news day.
Coffee
An odd topic, I realize, but just go with it. I started ordering flavored coffee from The Coffee Fool a few months ago and I thought I'd spread the word. Oddly enough, I found out about them from a targeted ad in my Gmail inbox. I usually don't touch those ads with a 10 foot pool, but this one, entitled "The 10 things coffee CEO's don't want you to know" intrigued me. What made me order was the sheer number of flavored offerings they have, most, if not all of which are available in decaf. Finding good, flavored decaf for my nighttime consumption has been a thorn in my side for years. A man can't live on hazelnut alone!
Anyways, the African Cinnamon is excellent (I'm enjoying a pot as I write this) as is the Chocolate Mint and the Banana Nut. I just got an order of the Chocolate Espresso in and it is slowly becoming my new favorite. The flavors meld together very well and it's the perfect brew to enjoy with that nightly dessert. Mmmmm, nightly dessert. No, I haven't lost any weight, but that's another story. Order processing is fast and I've always gotten my stuff within 2 - 3 days. You also get a discount as you order more and more stuff, and you can set up regular shipments if you find a flavor schedule that works for you. Give 'em a try and help to loosen the stranglehold that Millstone has on the coffee world.
The Darkness
I'm currently playing The Darkness for the 360 and this is one damn fine game. The voice acting is superb, which makes quite the difference. The Darkness powers are well done, and devouring hearts has never been so fun! Actually, I don't know if devouring hearts has ever been fun, so take that last comment with a grain of salt. Should you be in need of a good gaming experience for your 360 (or PS3 if you swing that way) I highly recommend it. It can be completed well in time for the upcoming deluge of titles too and the lack of a ranked match requirement for the multiplayer achievements makes it boost friendly, as my Gamer Tag would attest to. Anyone who has ever played mulitplayer anything with me knows that I couldn't get 50 flag captures in my wildest dreams. Ah boosting, is there nothing you can't do?
Paula Dean is My Hero
I long for the days when I'm old and retired and can spend the day out on my massive deck, the river gurgling in the background, grilling and cooking and making all manner of tasty delights while my husband does yard work. I'm prepared to marry a man to make this happen if I have to. I also appreciate Paula's love of butter, as I love it too! Longevity is overrated. I've got my life insurance policy. I say bring on the butter!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
We're All Winners
Actually, we are all not winners. In fact, the only winner at our household continues to be my son. In the past few weeks, here are some things he has "won" at:
The Seat Belt Buckling Competetion
Now that he's older, he's old enough and big enough to buckle himself in with the seat belt. Granted we make sure he's buckled in before we put the car into motion as child services would frown on the 4 year old being the sole guardian of his auto safety, but he requires assistance less and less every day. Once he buckles himself in, he usually exclaims that he has won because he got buckled in before his sister. This would be the sister that is still in a car seat because she's the size of a pygmy mamorset (We watch a lot of Diego. Deal with it.) and can't buckle herself in. I've tried explaining to Ben that it's not really a contest if one of the people competing can't actually do the thing themselves, but he's usually too busy celebrating his victory.
Getting Dressed
My son is, quite possibly, the slowest person I've ever seen when it comes to putting on an article of clothing. Some kids slow things down when they're getting ready for bed, or getting ready to go to school, as a stall tactic, but my kid takes this to an entirely new level and would take 15 minutes to put on a sock even if he was getting ready to be given the keys to Ice Cream Land. The other night he was getting dressed while I was making his bed and I swear it took him 5 minutes just to lay the shirt on the floor correctly. It was painful to watch. Eventually I had had enough and helped get the dang thing situated so that he could put it on. 2 more assists later, he finally finished and exclaimed "I win!" I can only assume he meant that he won the award for Most People Dead of Natural Causes While I Put on My Pajamas.
Lego Racing
I've touched on the Lego Racing before, but it has achieved new heights since last we spoke. Linda and I will usually ask Ben what he did at school while we three eat dinner and Abby ignores her food. Every day it's the same answer, "played Lego racers." The other night, after getting this answer again, I asked him if he played Lego racers with his friends and he said no. "They all watch me play" he said. That didn't seem right to me, so I asked him again, and again he said that all of his friends watched him play and win Lego Racers. This seemed odd, as most 4 year olds don't care about much more than themselves, so I can't see a whole class of kids sitting back and watching one child race around. It also seemed odd because how can you win if you're the only one there? Further probing, later in the week by Linda, discovered that all of this Lego racing takes place on the computer, and the kids are on the computer one at a time, presumably while the other kids sit back and mope. The fact that Lego Racing exists, to him, only in a digital form still doesn't keep him from turning every single thing into a Lego Racer and wanting to race with it. I've heard of children who want to do nothing but sit slack-jawed in front of the television and I'd like to know how you go about getting one of those. I don't think I can handle any more racing and/or winning.
The Seat Belt Buckling Competetion
Now that he's older, he's old enough and big enough to buckle himself in with the seat belt. Granted we make sure he's buckled in before we put the car into motion as child services would frown on the 4 year old being the sole guardian of his auto safety, but he requires assistance less and less every day. Once he buckles himself in, he usually exclaims that he has won because he got buckled in before his sister. This would be the sister that is still in a car seat because she's the size of a pygmy mamorset (We watch a lot of Diego. Deal with it.) and can't buckle herself in. I've tried explaining to Ben that it's not really a contest if one of the people competing can't actually do the thing themselves, but he's usually too busy celebrating his victory.
Getting Dressed
My son is, quite possibly, the slowest person I've ever seen when it comes to putting on an article of clothing. Some kids slow things down when they're getting ready for bed, or getting ready to go to school, as a stall tactic, but my kid takes this to an entirely new level and would take 15 minutes to put on a sock even if he was getting ready to be given the keys to Ice Cream Land. The other night he was getting dressed while I was making his bed and I swear it took him 5 minutes just to lay the shirt on the floor correctly. It was painful to watch. Eventually I had had enough and helped get the dang thing situated so that he could put it on. 2 more assists later, he finally finished and exclaimed "I win!" I can only assume he meant that he won the award for Most People Dead of Natural Causes While I Put on My Pajamas.
Lego Racing
I've touched on the Lego Racing before, but it has achieved new heights since last we spoke. Linda and I will usually ask Ben what he did at school while we three eat dinner and Abby ignores her food. Every day it's the same answer, "played Lego racers." The other night, after getting this answer again, I asked him if he played Lego racers with his friends and he said no. "They all watch me play" he said. That didn't seem right to me, so I asked him again, and again he said that all of his friends watched him play and win Lego Racers. This seemed odd, as most 4 year olds don't care about much more than themselves, so I can't see a whole class of kids sitting back and watching one child race around. It also seemed odd because how can you win if you're the only one there? Further probing, later in the week by Linda, discovered that all of this Lego racing takes place on the computer, and the kids are on the computer one at a time, presumably while the other kids sit back and mope. The fact that Lego Racing exists, to him, only in a digital form still doesn't keep him from turning every single thing into a Lego Racer and wanting to race with it. I've heard of children who want to do nothing but sit slack-jawed in front of the television and I'd like to know how you go about getting one of those. I don't think I can handle any more racing and/or winning.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Template changes
Now that Blogger supports labels, I've started labeling my posts that point to my GameShark reviews with the "Review" label. There's also now a handy link on the right side that points to all the reviews. You can also follow this link.
Transformers Reduxe Reduxe
My official Transformers movie review is up at GameShark. Those of you who have read my review here, and then read my review there will realize that I'm calling myself a fanboy. To thine own self be true.
Personally, I think I'm a better game reviewer than I am a movie reviewer, but both are skills I want to grow, so I'm very thankful to the guys at GameShark for giving me this opportunity.
Personally, I think I'm a better game reviewer than I am a movie reviewer, but both are skills I want to grow, so I'm very thankful to the guys at GameShark for giving me this opportunity.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Transformers Reduxe
Now that I've had some more sleep, punctuated by my dog throwing up on the bed yet again, I can speak a little more eloquently on the Transformers movie. I won't though, instead choosing to say that this movie kicks a tremendous amount of ass. I'm fresh off the heels of yet another review for the fine folks at GameShark.com, so instead I'll opt for the format of hacks everywhere, the oh so popular Good, Bad and Ugly.
The Good
The Effects - This movie has, hands down, the best special effects I've ever seen in a movie. If this movie doesn't win every Oscar for visual effects, then I'll be very surprised. It's not just the effects, it's how the effects integrated into real world results. Starscream transforming into robot form and sliding down the street caused real cars to be tossed about like Matchboxes. Shit exploded for reals, yo, and that, combined with the visuals, made you think that things were completely real.
The Transformations - For me, the reason we haven't been graced with a non-animated Transformers movie yet, is because the technology needed time to mature to where you could realistically show the transformations. That time is now. Yes, it did seem a little odd to have a Camaro, which is about 10 feet long, turn into a 20 foot tall robot, but the transformations were so well done, so mesmerizing that it just didn't matter. At one point, Barricade was running towards the camera, leapt forward, transformed in midair and hit the ground in vehicle form, hauling ass. At this point the crowd erupted in cheers. It's this kind of transformation combined with the real world objects that made the movie look so damn cool. About 2/3 of the way into it, every time I saw a vehicle, I thought it was going to transform and start tearing shit up.
The Funny - There are plenty of laugh out loud moments in this movie. The story isn't very strong (more on that later) so instead, the quieter moments are filled with humor, and some very good humor to boot. Shia LaBeouf handled the non-robotic lead very well and was very likable. The best lines went to Anthony Anderson who made me crack up every time he opened his mouth. Plus, he was a Redskins fan, so yay for that. Some of the humor was a bit much, but all in all, it was much funnier than I would have thought.
The Fights - Optimus Prime is a badass motherfucker. That dude can lay some shit down. The fight scenes in this movie, while being a bit frenetic at times, were absolutely amazing. If all you wanted was hot robot on robot action, then you'd be happy. The movie did some really cool things with using the transformations in combat, so it wasn't just fly/drive in as a vehicle, transform and beat each other up as robots.
The Autobots - The Autobots each had a very distinct personality and Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime, was wonderful. Hearing that familiar voice in this movie really helped make it special. The movie did a really good job of making you care about the Autobots, Bumblebee in particular, that when hard times befall them, and boy do hard times come a fallin', you feel for these guys. Maybe I'm just getting sentimental in my old age.
The Women - Megan Fox is a damn fine good looking woman.
The Soda Machine - You'll see.
The Bad
The Story - It's not that the story is bad, it's that there isn't much of one. Thankfully, you're not thinking about it while watching the movie, but once you leave the theater, you will start asking questions and probably won't be satisfied with the answers you come up with. I think the movie did a good job as a first movie, cause you know there will be more than this one, but for the second one, it's going to have to be a lot more than the two factions battling over the Allspark.
The Decepticons - Don't get me wrong, the Decepticons were cool as hell, there just wasn't any interaction between them other than a couple of lines between Megatron and Starscream. While the Autobots had personality, the Decepticons were basically just badass robots looking to bust shit up. The story didn't really lend itself to scenes with the Decepticons hanging out in their Hall of Injustice, but some sort of collaboration would have been nice. I also wanted to see more of Bonecrusher, but only because he's so huggable.
Frenzy - Yeah, he looked cool and was pretty important to the story, but I think a little Frenzy, in his movie incarnation, goes a long way and we got way more than a little. He reminded me of Stitch, from the "Lilo and Stitch" movies/tv show, which made me believe he was there for the kids, despite the fact that he was all to eager to kill folks. I don't know what it is about him that bugged me, but he did so there you go.
The Ugly
Rachel Taylor's nose stud - She's pretty hot, don't get me wrong, but I can't stand nose studs in anyone. All I can think of is snot related issues and it creeps me out.
John Turturro's underwear - If Aloha also means "good bye" then I welcome the sentiment.
As you can see, I had a hard time coming up with things that were really awful about the movie. I enjoyed the hell out of it, and am willing to let the not so good parts slide, because the good parts were just that good. Obviously, those not into the Transformers as much as I am, may have a hard time letting the same things slide, but I think they'd still have a good time, as long as they go into it expecting a big, loud action movie. There are worse ways to spend your time this summer than with a group of badass robots.
The Good
The Effects - This movie has, hands down, the best special effects I've ever seen in a movie. If this movie doesn't win every Oscar for visual effects, then I'll be very surprised. It's not just the effects, it's how the effects integrated into real world results. Starscream transforming into robot form and sliding down the street caused real cars to be tossed about like Matchboxes. Shit exploded for reals, yo, and that, combined with the visuals, made you think that things were completely real.
The Transformations - For me, the reason we haven't been graced with a non-animated Transformers movie yet, is because the technology needed time to mature to where you could realistically show the transformations. That time is now. Yes, it did seem a little odd to have a Camaro, which is about 10 feet long, turn into a 20 foot tall robot, but the transformations were so well done, so mesmerizing that it just didn't matter. At one point, Barricade was running towards the camera, leapt forward, transformed in midair and hit the ground in vehicle form, hauling ass. At this point the crowd erupted in cheers. It's this kind of transformation combined with the real world objects that made the movie look so damn cool. About 2/3 of the way into it, every time I saw a vehicle, I thought it was going to transform and start tearing shit up.
The Funny - There are plenty of laugh out loud moments in this movie. The story isn't very strong (more on that later) so instead, the quieter moments are filled with humor, and some very good humor to boot. Shia LaBeouf handled the non-robotic lead very well and was very likable. The best lines went to Anthony Anderson who made me crack up every time he opened his mouth. Plus, he was a Redskins fan, so yay for that. Some of the humor was a bit much, but all in all, it was much funnier than I would have thought.
The Fights - Optimus Prime is a badass motherfucker. That dude can lay some shit down. The fight scenes in this movie, while being a bit frenetic at times, were absolutely amazing. If all you wanted was hot robot on robot action, then you'd be happy. The movie did some really cool things with using the transformations in combat, so it wasn't just fly/drive in as a vehicle, transform and beat each other up as robots.
The Autobots - The Autobots each had a very distinct personality and Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime, was wonderful. Hearing that familiar voice in this movie really helped make it special. The movie did a really good job of making you care about the Autobots, Bumblebee in particular, that when hard times befall them, and boy do hard times come a fallin', you feel for these guys. Maybe I'm just getting sentimental in my old age.
The Women - Megan Fox is a damn fine good looking woman.
The Soda Machine - You'll see.
The Bad
The Story - It's not that the story is bad, it's that there isn't much of one. Thankfully, you're not thinking about it while watching the movie, but once you leave the theater, you will start asking questions and probably won't be satisfied with the answers you come up with. I think the movie did a good job as a first movie, cause you know there will be more than this one, but for the second one, it's going to have to be a lot more than the two factions battling over the Allspark.
The Decepticons - Don't get me wrong, the Decepticons were cool as hell, there just wasn't any interaction between them other than a couple of lines between Megatron and Starscream. While the Autobots had personality, the Decepticons were basically just badass robots looking to bust shit up. The story didn't really lend itself to scenes with the Decepticons hanging out in their Hall of Injustice, but some sort of collaboration would have been nice. I also wanted to see more of Bonecrusher, but only because he's so huggable.
Frenzy - Yeah, he looked cool and was pretty important to the story, but I think a little Frenzy, in his movie incarnation, goes a long way and we got way more than a little. He reminded me of Stitch, from the "Lilo and Stitch" movies/tv show, which made me believe he was there for the kids, despite the fact that he was all to eager to kill folks. I don't know what it is about him that bugged me, but he did so there you go.
The Ugly
Rachel Taylor's nose stud - She's pretty hot, don't get me wrong, but I can't stand nose studs in anyone. All I can think of is snot related issues and it creeps me out.
John Turturro's underwear - If Aloha also means "good bye" then I welcome the sentiment.
As you can see, I had a hard time coming up with things that were really awful about the movie. I enjoyed the hell out of it, and am willing to let the not so good parts slide, because the good parts were just that good. Obviously, those not into the Transformers as much as I am, may have a hard time letting the same things slide, but I think they'd still have a good time, as long as they go into it expecting a big, loud action movie. There are worse ways to spend your time this summer than with a group of badass robots.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Transformers
Just got out of the movie and all I can say is holy fucking shit. More later. I'm too tired from getting my ass rocked.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Time Ace Review
My latest review is up at GameShark.com. See how Time Ace fares against my withering gaze.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Independence Through Underwear
Recently my son needed new undies, which meant a trip to Target and to the product placement as clothing section that passes for boy's clothing. Many options stood before him, including the Transformers, but, as usual, he was drawn to, and picked the Power Rangers.
My son is obsessed with two things, Power Rangers and Lego Racers, neither of which he has ever seen on TV, or actually played with for any appreciable amount of time. This obsession comes solely from his classmates who may or may not know what these things are either. If there were Lego Racer underwear, he would have undoubtedly chosen them, as they occupy roughly 95% of his waking thoughts. Lego Racers, not underwear. Well, I hope underwear doesn't occupy his thoughts.
You think I'm joking, but I can assure you that I am not. Everything has to do with Lego Racers. The car isn't a car, it's a Lego Racer. He and his sister run around the house racing as Lego Racers. Well, he's a Lego Racer, she's just running with him and using it as an opportunity to yell in the house. The dogs are Lego Racer dogs. Dinner is a dinner for Lego Racers. This morning, on the way to school, the song on the radio was a Lego Racers song. For the record, Lego Racers like Snow Patrol.
Along with obsessing over Lego Racers, he's obsessed with winning. Not surprisingly, he wins at everything, even events that are undertaken solely by himself. When he walks into a room, he wins. When he sits down at the table he wins. Sometimes Abby gets there first, at which point he'll say that he almost wins, which is, I imagine, a less traumatizing way of saying you lost. All day, every day, it's just winning and Lego Racers. Whenever he really gets going with the "I win" stuff, I can't help but think of the episode of Friends where the gang was talking about past sexual partners. Monica was remembering someone, I think his name was Scott, who would repeatedly say "I win" when he was, well, "winning". I know it's horribly inappropriate to think of that in regards to my children, but you live with someone saying "I win" easily 4 dozen times a day and see what pops into your head.
I know that he has no idea what a Lego Racer is, because at one point, he said "Lego Racers don't use blocks", why, I have no idea. He'll randomly come up with nouns that Lego Racers do or don't use as well as verbs that Lego Racers do or don't employ. Statements such as "Lego Racers grow jalapeños" or "Lego Racers lobby for peace in Palestine" would not be out of place in our home. Me being the thoughtful and understanding father that I am, could not let a statement of such gross ignorance go unchecked, even if it was uttered by someone who can't tie his own shoes. I explained that Lego Racers not only used blocks, but were made from blocks, Lego blocks to be exact. He looked at me like I was a fucking idiot. And people wonder why I choose to not interact with my children.
Getting back to the underwear, when I saw that he had picked the Power Rangers, I was tempted to direct him towards the Transformers, but I resisted. Previous attempts at getting him interested in Transformers met with dismal failure and the Transformer toys purchased for this purpose lay alone and unloved in the toy cabinet. Besides, it's his life and his childhood and it's up to him to pick which corporate created, live action commercial he chooses to gird his loins with. Plus, being that he's 4, hygiene isn't a top priority, so better the Power Rangers fall victim to insufficient wiping than my beloved Optimus Prime.
It is amazing though, how early we, as parents, try to steer our kids to liking the same things we like, and how quickly they resist, either because what you like is lame and old, or they just need to discover and fall in love with things on their own. I'm sure that if his friends had Transformers, it'd be a different story, but dear old dad being the only one isn't quite cool enough. I'm ok with that, as I'd rather he have something he can relate to his peers with, other than the eating of snot and snot by-products. Plus, now I can purchase Transformers in front of him with abandon and, when he asks if he can have one, trot out the fact that he does have some and he never plays with them. I hope to get bonus points for the use of a parental cliche.
In the meantime, he'll be happy with his underwear, unless things have changed and Lego Racers no longer use underwear. As I, clearly, have no idea what Lego Racers do and don't do, I could be completely wrong as to what Lego Racers wear. I know that back in the day, when I made the fateful switch to boxers, walking up and down a flight of stairs made me feel like a winner, so perhaps Lego Racers wish for the same freedom of movement. I'm sure by the end of the evening I'll have an answer, either by maternal decree that Lego Racers do in fact use underwear or by my son just randomly saying "Lego Racers don't go commando". At the rate he's pairing Lego Racers with the rest of the English language, this phrase isn't too far off.
My son is obsessed with two things, Power Rangers and Lego Racers, neither of which he has ever seen on TV, or actually played with for any appreciable amount of time. This obsession comes solely from his classmates who may or may not know what these things are either. If there were Lego Racer underwear, he would have undoubtedly chosen them, as they occupy roughly 95% of his waking thoughts. Lego Racers, not underwear. Well, I hope underwear doesn't occupy his thoughts.
You think I'm joking, but I can assure you that I am not. Everything has to do with Lego Racers. The car isn't a car, it's a Lego Racer. He and his sister run around the house racing as Lego Racers. Well, he's a Lego Racer, she's just running with him and using it as an opportunity to yell in the house. The dogs are Lego Racer dogs. Dinner is a dinner for Lego Racers. This morning, on the way to school, the song on the radio was a Lego Racers song. For the record, Lego Racers like Snow Patrol.
Along with obsessing over Lego Racers, he's obsessed with winning. Not surprisingly, he wins at everything, even events that are undertaken solely by himself. When he walks into a room, he wins. When he sits down at the table he wins. Sometimes Abby gets there first, at which point he'll say that he almost wins, which is, I imagine, a less traumatizing way of saying you lost. All day, every day, it's just winning and Lego Racers. Whenever he really gets going with the "I win" stuff, I can't help but think of the episode of Friends where the gang was talking about past sexual partners. Monica was remembering someone, I think his name was Scott, who would repeatedly say "I win" when he was, well, "winning". I know it's horribly inappropriate to think of that in regards to my children, but you live with someone saying "I win" easily 4 dozen times a day and see what pops into your head.
I know that he has no idea what a Lego Racer is, because at one point, he said "Lego Racers don't use blocks", why, I have no idea. He'll randomly come up with nouns that Lego Racers do or don't use as well as verbs that Lego Racers do or don't employ. Statements such as "Lego Racers grow jalapeños" or "Lego Racers lobby for peace in Palestine" would not be out of place in our home. Me being the thoughtful and understanding father that I am, could not let a statement of such gross ignorance go unchecked, even if it was uttered by someone who can't tie his own shoes. I explained that Lego Racers not only used blocks, but were made from blocks, Lego blocks to be exact. He looked at me like I was a fucking idiot. And people wonder why I choose to not interact with my children.
Getting back to the underwear, when I saw that he had picked the Power Rangers, I was tempted to direct him towards the Transformers, but I resisted. Previous attempts at getting him interested in Transformers met with dismal failure and the Transformer toys purchased for this purpose lay alone and unloved in the toy cabinet. Besides, it's his life and his childhood and it's up to him to pick which corporate created, live action commercial he chooses to gird his loins with. Plus, being that he's 4, hygiene isn't a top priority, so better the Power Rangers fall victim to insufficient wiping than my beloved Optimus Prime.
It is amazing though, how early we, as parents, try to steer our kids to liking the same things we like, and how quickly they resist, either because what you like is lame and old, or they just need to discover and fall in love with things on their own. I'm sure that if his friends had Transformers, it'd be a different story, but dear old dad being the only one isn't quite cool enough. I'm ok with that, as I'd rather he have something he can relate to his peers with, other than the eating of snot and snot by-products. Plus, now I can purchase Transformers in front of him with abandon and, when he asks if he can have one, trot out the fact that he does have some and he never plays with them. I hope to get bonus points for the use of a parental cliche.
In the meantime, he'll be happy with his underwear, unless things have changed and Lego Racers no longer use underwear. As I, clearly, have no idea what Lego Racers do and don't do, I could be completely wrong as to what Lego Racers wear. I know that back in the day, when I made the fateful switch to boxers, walking up and down a flight of stairs made me feel like a winner, so perhaps Lego Racers wish for the same freedom of movement. I'm sure by the end of the evening I'll have an answer, either by maternal decree that Lego Racers do in fact use underwear or by my son just randomly saying "Lego Racers don't go commando". At the rate he's pairing Lego Racers with the rest of the English language, this phrase isn't too far off.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Catching Up
Greetings. It's been a while, hasn't it? Things have been fairly busy at the compound, what with the game reviewing and general summertime laziness. Work has picked up as well, making it harder to post during normal business hours. I'm also experiencing a bit of writer's block when it comes to the funnier (well, attempts at funny anyways) posts, and to be honest, if I can't bring Teh Funny, I usually don't feel like writing.
Today, however, I'm going to make an exception and instead just bring folks up to date. Wheee.
- So, the review. It was pretty cool to see my name in "print" after all these years toiling away in obscurity. Linda is convinced that this is just the first step in my ascension to the ranks of the media darlings, thereby allowing us to retire early. I certainly don't see that happening, but those controlling the purse strings and the assignments at GameShark, seemed pretty happy with it so the first hurdle has been jumped. Hopefully the readers also found it helpful. When a game is as bad as that game was, it's pretty easy to write a review. The hardest part is to give an honest assessment without looking like you're just beating the thing up. After all, real, actual humans did work on the thing, and anyone who has ever worked in software development can tell you that you don't always have the time or the money to make your product as well as you'd like to. There's a fine line between outlining a game's faults and outright bashing it. There was more I could have said, and in retrospect I probably would have done the review differently, but I think for a first try, it came out OK. This week brings a deluge of games to get cracking on, so there will be plenty of opportunities to flex my critical muscles.
- I just finished "How Would a Patriot Act" by Glenn Greenwald and it was fairly interesting. It outlines the various ways that the Bush administration has gone above the law, and their justification for doing so. The book is a tad repetitive, but it outlines things very well, in simple English, so it's easy to understand exactly what's gone on. It's interesting, and scary, to me that there haven't been more questions asked during the various candidate debates of late, focusing on whether or not the President has the ability to break the law simply because (s)he is the President. In my mind, this isn't a liberal vs. conservative issue or a Democrat vs. Republican issue. You either think that the President, by being granted the ability to use military force in Afghanistan and Iraq, has the power to do whatever he wants to, in opposition to whatever laws may be on the books, and what the Constitution actually says, or you don't. I clearly fall in the latter camp, and I would imagine that most Americans do too, however the issues at hand haven't been presented in such clear cut terms thus far, something we can thank our spineless, crony infested Washington press for. Thanks guys! Personally, I think it's pretty scary that, at any moment, US citizens can be arrested, on US soil, and thrown in prison with no access to a lawyer and no indication of the charges being brought against them, to be kept there indefinitely. The book also helps put the threat of a terrorist attack in the proper perspective, which is to say, it'd be tragic, but hardly the country destroying event that those in power would have you believe.
- My advance ticket for the Transformers movie has been purchased and I am anxiously awaiting the screening. I know that I promised more Transformer reviews, but alas I am lazy and unmotivated to do so. I have a lot of them, and the task seems daunting to review them all in a timely manner. Plus, I want to combine the reviews with other things, so that those that don't care about the toys (most of you) have other things to read as well. We'll see. I haven't gone to a movie on opening night in I don't know how long, so this should be interesting. The geek culture will be well represented, no doubt. My MC Frontalot shirt will probably be in order. I'll resist the urge to purchase an Optimus Prime voice changing helmet and wear it to the screening. I'll put my estimate as to the number of people who do not resist said urge at 6.
- On Tuesday, the Gods of Rock are blessing us with a 7 cd set of Pearl Jam's concerts at the Gorge from the 05 - 06 tour. Verily, we are not worthy of such a blistering offering of rock, but we should accept it and be happy nonetheless.
- I finished Super Paper Mario last night. In the end, it was a love story, which was very nice. The game was fun too, and very well written. I highly recommend it to Wii owners. It's not like you have anything else to do with the console anyways.
- I also finished Puzzle Quest, thereby reclaiming my evenings. I was tempted to replay the campaign as a different character class, but figured I'd save that for the XBLA offering. I should warn you, that if you come up across me online, I am going to use Beserk Rage and Flaming Skulls as a one-two punch that not only leaves you reeling, but sounds your death knell. I would prefer to use them in that order, however given their spectacularly board changing properties, I am prepared to use them in a suboptimal configuration and still hand your ass to you, charbroiled and steaming, displayed in a pleasing manner, adorned with the proper garnishes. Presentation is everything.
- My children are driving me crazy, as kids of their age are supposed to do. My daughter has now taken to collapsing in a heap on the floor when she hears anything she finds to be unacceptable. In a store, it's pretty damn annoying, and is met with a swift trip to the car, where she is forced to endure a spate of loneliness. On occasion, we'll crack a window. At home it is met with amusement on our part, and a fair amount of mocking. I know you're not supposed to mock your children, but whoever wrote that, obviously never had kids. We've tried explaining to her, that if she asks for something, doesn't get it and instead collapses in a heap, that she still doesn't get what she wanted, only now she's got dust and pet hair on her person. She seems immune to reason. I think that if you could start a boarding school that accepted 2 year olds, you'd make millions. You could even give them back at age 5 and still make a ton. Those that would rebut this with the question, "Why would you have kids if you didn't want to spend time with them?" would be answered thusly: "I didn't know they'd be so damn annoying."
- It's really goddamn hot here, and we're in a drought, which should make for an interesting 4th of July. I'm convinced that my neighbor's annual fireworks extravaganza is going to result in my woods burning down. If that happens, I'm going to get it zoned for a mini subdivision that you access via my backyard. Convenient? No. Highly profitable? Yes.
As you can see, there's been a lot going on, so I hope you'll forgive the lack of updates. If not, well, just remember that you get what you pay for.
Today, however, I'm going to make an exception and instead just bring folks up to date. Wheee.
- So, the review. It was pretty cool to see my name in "print" after all these years toiling away in obscurity. Linda is convinced that this is just the first step in my ascension to the ranks of the media darlings, thereby allowing us to retire early. I certainly don't see that happening, but those controlling the purse strings and the assignments at GameShark, seemed pretty happy with it so the first hurdle has been jumped. Hopefully the readers also found it helpful. When a game is as bad as that game was, it's pretty easy to write a review. The hardest part is to give an honest assessment without looking like you're just beating the thing up. After all, real, actual humans did work on the thing, and anyone who has ever worked in software development can tell you that you don't always have the time or the money to make your product as well as you'd like to. There's a fine line between outlining a game's faults and outright bashing it. There was more I could have said, and in retrospect I probably would have done the review differently, but I think for a first try, it came out OK. This week brings a deluge of games to get cracking on, so there will be plenty of opportunities to flex my critical muscles.
- I just finished "How Would a Patriot Act" by Glenn Greenwald and it was fairly interesting. It outlines the various ways that the Bush administration has gone above the law, and their justification for doing so. The book is a tad repetitive, but it outlines things very well, in simple English, so it's easy to understand exactly what's gone on. It's interesting, and scary, to me that there haven't been more questions asked during the various candidate debates of late, focusing on whether or not the President has the ability to break the law simply because (s)he is the President. In my mind, this isn't a liberal vs. conservative issue or a Democrat vs. Republican issue. You either think that the President, by being granted the ability to use military force in Afghanistan and Iraq, has the power to do whatever he wants to, in opposition to whatever laws may be on the books, and what the Constitution actually says, or you don't. I clearly fall in the latter camp, and I would imagine that most Americans do too, however the issues at hand haven't been presented in such clear cut terms thus far, something we can thank our spineless, crony infested Washington press for. Thanks guys! Personally, I think it's pretty scary that, at any moment, US citizens can be arrested, on US soil, and thrown in prison with no access to a lawyer and no indication of the charges being brought against them, to be kept there indefinitely. The book also helps put the threat of a terrorist attack in the proper perspective, which is to say, it'd be tragic, but hardly the country destroying event that those in power would have you believe.
- My advance ticket for the Transformers movie has been purchased and I am anxiously awaiting the screening. I know that I promised more Transformer reviews, but alas I am lazy and unmotivated to do so. I have a lot of them, and the task seems daunting to review them all in a timely manner. Plus, I want to combine the reviews with other things, so that those that don't care about the toys (most of you) have other things to read as well. We'll see. I haven't gone to a movie on opening night in I don't know how long, so this should be interesting. The geek culture will be well represented, no doubt. My MC Frontalot shirt will probably be in order. I'll resist the urge to purchase an Optimus Prime voice changing helmet and wear it to the screening. I'll put my estimate as to the number of people who do not resist said urge at 6.
- On Tuesday, the Gods of Rock are blessing us with a 7 cd set of Pearl Jam's concerts at the Gorge from the 05 - 06 tour. Verily, we are not worthy of such a blistering offering of rock, but we should accept it and be happy nonetheless.
- I finished Super Paper Mario last night. In the end, it was a love story, which was very nice. The game was fun too, and very well written. I highly recommend it to Wii owners. It's not like you have anything else to do with the console anyways.
- I also finished Puzzle Quest, thereby reclaiming my evenings. I was tempted to replay the campaign as a different character class, but figured I'd save that for the XBLA offering. I should warn you, that if you come up across me online, I am going to use Beserk Rage and Flaming Skulls as a one-two punch that not only leaves you reeling, but sounds your death knell. I would prefer to use them in that order, however given their spectacularly board changing properties, I am prepared to use them in a suboptimal configuration and still hand your ass to you, charbroiled and steaming, displayed in a pleasing manner, adorned with the proper garnishes. Presentation is everything.
- My children are driving me crazy, as kids of their age are supposed to do. My daughter has now taken to collapsing in a heap on the floor when she hears anything she finds to be unacceptable. In a store, it's pretty damn annoying, and is met with a swift trip to the car, where she is forced to endure a spate of loneliness. On occasion, we'll crack a window. At home it is met with amusement on our part, and a fair amount of mocking. I know you're not supposed to mock your children, but whoever wrote that, obviously never had kids. We've tried explaining to her, that if she asks for something, doesn't get it and instead collapses in a heap, that she still doesn't get what she wanted, only now she's got dust and pet hair on her person. She seems immune to reason. I think that if you could start a boarding school that accepted 2 year olds, you'd make millions. You could even give them back at age 5 and still make a ton. Those that would rebut this with the question, "Why would you have kids if you didn't want to spend time with them?" would be answered thusly: "I didn't know they'd be so damn annoying."
- It's really goddamn hot here, and we're in a drought, which should make for an interesting 4th of July. I'm convinced that my neighbor's annual fireworks extravaganza is going to result in my woods burning down. If that happens, I'm going to get it zoned for a mini subdivision that you access via my backyard. Convenient? No. Highly profitable? Yes.
As you can see, there's been a lot going on, so I hope you'll forgive the lack of updates. If not, well, just remember that you get what you pay for.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Happy Father's Day
To all of my fatherly friends far and wide, I wish you a happy and relaxing Father's Day. Hopefully your kids spend the day leaving you alone.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
I R Dumb
For someone who makes a living working with software, at times I have the hardest time doing the simplest things with computers. Take the act of posting a picture to my gaming cabal's message board. I must be mentally deficient or something because I just can't seem to make it happen. I don't know how the youngsters handle all of their MySpaces and FaceBooks and whatever other crazy ass websites they got going on to manage documenting their lives. This right here is about the best I can do.
That being said, Bones, here's the Hellboy picture. The rest of you can enjoy it too, but you probably don't care nearly as much. If you do, you can get the figure by purchasing Hellboy Animated: Blood and Iron at Best Buy. The figure is pretty damn cool and the movie is a nice little vampire yarn. It's a win-win.
That being said, Bones, here's the Hellboy picture. The rest of you can enjoy it too, but you probably don't care nearly as much. If you do, you can get the figure by purchasing Hellboy Animated: Blood and Iron at Best Buy. The figure is pretty damn cool and the movie is a nice little vampire yarn. It's a win-win.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
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Tuesday, June 05, 2007
The First of Many
The fans have been clamoring for Transformers reviews and I am more than willing to oblige. But first, a word about the flowers.
Those of you who visited the gallery of flower pictures were probably surprised to see so dang many of them. I admit that I went a wee bit shutter crazy at the Botanical Gardens, but I have my reasons. When I was young, my family, my mom's parents, all the aunts and uncles on her side and their kids would all trek up to Cape Cod for the annual family vacation. One year, we were following my grandparents up, when my grandfather pulled the car off to the side of the road, got out and started taking pictures of these flowers he saw growing on the median. My grandmother was motioning for him to get back in the car, but he continued taking pictures until he was done. Then he got back in the car and we continued driving.
I asked my mom why Poppy would stop to get out of the car and take pictures of a flower when there are flowers everywhere. She told me that when my grandfather was in WWII, he was shot down over Germany and spent 18 months in a German POW camp. The experience taught him that when you see something of great beauty, even if it's a flower on the side of a Massachusetts highway, it's worth your time to get out and take a better look. I probably don't need to tell you that a sentiment such as that is completely lost on an impatient 11 year old, however for a slightly more patient 35 year old, it has some weight. Plus, whenever I see beautiful flowers, I think of my grandfather, and if taking pictures helps me feel closer to who he was, then by Crom, I'm going to take pictures until the film runs out.
Enough heavy stuff. On to the robots.
Between my somewhat cramped schedule and my meager photography skills, I'm not going to fill these reviews with bunches of pictures. I have a review game arriving any day now which will occupy my evenings and honestly, we have such bad lighting at home that any pictures I take will end up all grainy and crappy. Instead, my camera photos will have to do, along with links to galleries of pictures shot by more competent photogs than myself.
Today I'm going to talk about the Real Gear series of robots as I just got them all in the mail yesterday and I love them to pieces. The Real Gear series is based on the idea that the Allspark goes crazy on Earth and transforms regular devices into robots. How an MP3 player decides to align with evil robots bent on Earth's destruction so soon after being transformed into a sentient being is anyone's guess. I find that asking too many questions significantly diminishes my enjoyment of these things.
On to the pictures.
From left to right we have Speed Dial 800 (cellphone), Power Up VT6 (handheld video game machine), Booster X10 (mp3 player and earpiece) and Longview (binoculars).
From left to right we have Zoom Out 25x (camcorder) and Spy Shot 6 (digital camera).
Speed Dial 800
Speed Dial 800's alt mode is a cellular flip phone, complete with camera. As cell phones are pretty dang small nowadays, he's one of the few Transformers that has a life sized alt mode. Not sure if that means anything to you, but I like it. His "display" shows the time of 7:47 on one side which is a cheeky reminder that the movie comes out on July 4th. The other side has the same thing with the Autobot logo, signal strength and battery power. He gets better reception than I do, which is somewhat annoying. As with all of the robots in this series, his transformation is really simple yet entertaining and charming. Also, as with all of the robots in this series, arms and legs will pop off if too much pressure is put on them, which is preferred over having them snap completely off, but if you're planning on giving these to small kids, be prepared to do a lot of ball joint repair. His robot mode is fairly poseable, despite having unnaturally large shins. The joints appear to have the proper amount of stickiness, allowing for poses far more dramatic than the "Hidey Ho!" I have him currently modeling.
Power Up VT6
Power Up VT6 is a handheld video game machine. The fact that he's a Decepticon leads me to believe that Hasbro thinks that video games are evil, particularly Transformer video games, as that's what's being played on his chest. I can somewhat see Hasbro's point with this. After all, if kids are playing video games, they're not playing with Transformers. Oh well, I guess Hasbro will have to just get by with losers such as myself willing to part with hundreds of dollars in the vain hopes that they can reclaim their childhood. Power Up's transform mode is fairly simple, almost too simple as his head, arms and legs are all connected to ease the transformation from robot to game machine. Once you get the mechanics right the fun is somewhat taken out of him, however his alt mode has a bunch of working buttons and who doesn't like buttons. The back of his head is clear plastic, so that if you illuminate him from behind, his eyes not only glow green but peer into your soul and find you lacking.
Booster X10
Booster is the Real Gear version of Laserbeak and I'm just fine with that. The mp3 player transforms into the bird part and the headset just snaps onto his back as a laser cannon. The transform is super easy and his translucent, orange plastic feathers are the shit. He has poseable feet however they are very finicky which, when coupled with his natural front heaviness makes getting him to stand up a bit of a problem. Once you get him posed, don't plan on moving him lest you want to spend the next 15 minutes futzing with his feet. You can't tell from my crappy picture, but you can tilt his head, allowing you to express the full range of inquisitiveness you would expect from a murderous robot bird.
Longview
Longview is my absolute favorite. Maybe it's his massive quads, maybe it's his dude-like face, complete with wraparound visor thing. Maybe it's his big upper body that just screams "weight lifter". I don't know what it is, but this figure is just way too much fun to play with and pose. His alt form is a pair of binoculars that have a random robot image in them, however given that my eyes are much farther apart than your average 5 year old, I can't really see what's going on in there. His transform is pretty easy but with an interesting little part where you fold his head out from the recesses of his crotch. Bummer for him that he has to spend all of the time in alt mode sniffing his own nether regions, but maybe he can turn his head off in alt mode. Let's hope so. He's pretty poseable, and given my thinking of him as some sort of musclebound freak, I was compelled to make him flex for the camera. Later on he's going to go and kick sand in Booster X10's face.
Zoom Out 25x
Zoom Out is a camcorder, and as such is one of the tiniest camcorders you'll ever see. He has a flip out display that pictures, surprisingly enough, a giant robot. His focus ring also moves, if you want to pretend that you're actually using a camcorder the size of a box or raisins. He has an interesting transform, including pulling out these wing things from his back. I'm not sure what purpose they serve other than making him look like the offspring of a camcorder and a large beetle. He's not the most limber of the bunch due to the fact that the main camera body makes up his torso with the eyepiece as one shoulder and the lens as another. He can pose a little, as witnessed by my mad posing skills, but you won't be asking him to break out the breakdancing moves any time soon. I do like that he has one eye bigger and redder than the other. It evokes a zoom lens, or a horrific case of pink eye.
Spy Shot 6
Spy Shot is my second favorite of the Real Gear, and it's all because of his head. I can't put my finger on what his face reminds me of, but he's got these big red goggles and this vaguely Devo-ish head. You can get a better idea of what I'm talking about from this picture in the Seibertron gallery. His alt mode is a camera with a working shutter button. When I say "working", I mean "clicking". His transform is fun, if only because when you first pop out his one arm, his head is right there as if to say "Surprise!". I know it sounds stupid, but when I popped out his arm and saw his big Devo head, I laughed out loud. I'm easily amused. I know this now. He's fairly poseable, despite me not having him doing anything but kind of standing there and has a lot more leg range than the other ones. Plus, he's got pincer hands and pincer hands always win.
I promise to get into more detail for the other Voyager and Deluxe class robots and will possibly pen a 5 part editorial for the Leader class figures, but there's not too much you can say about these guys other than they're lots of fun, pretty creative and at 7 - 8 bucks a figure, you can pick up all 6 for slightly more than a Leader class figure.
As promised, here are links to Seibertron.com's super awesome galleries. They have galleries for everyone but Booster X10 so you'll just have to take my word for how cool he is.
Speed Dial 800
Power Up VT6
Longview
Zoom Out 25x
Spy Shot 6
Those of you who visited the gallery of flower pictures were probably surprised to see so dang many of them. I admit that I went a wee bit shutter crazy at the Botanical Gardens, but I have my reasons. When I was young, my family, my mom's parents, all the aunts and uncles on her side and their kids would all trek up to Cape Cod for the annual family vacation. One year, we were following my grandparents up, when my grandfather pulled the car off to the side of the road, got out and started taking pictures of these flowers he saw growing on the median. My grandmother was motioning for him to get back in the car, but he continued taking pictures until he was done. Then he got back in the car and we continued driving.
I asked my mom why Poppy would stop to get out of the car and take pictures of a flower when there are flowers everywhere. She told me that when my grandfather was in WWII, he was shot down over Germany and spent 18 months in a German POW camp. The experience taught him that when you see something of great beauty, even if it's a flower on the side of a Massachusetts highway, it's worth your time to get out and take a better look. I probably don't need to tell you that a sentiment such as that is completely lost on an impatient 11 year old, however for a slightly more patient 35 year old, it has some weight. Plus, whenever I see beautiful flowers, I think of my grandfather, and if taking pictures helps me feel closer to who he was, then by Crom, I'm going to take pictures until the film runs out.
Enough heavy stuff. On to the robots.
Between my somewhat cramped schedule and my meager photography skills, I'm not going to fill these reviews with bunches of pictures. I have a review game arriving any day now which will occupy my evenings and honestly, we have such bad lighting at home that any pictures I take will end up all grainy and crappy. Instead, my camera photos will have to do, along with links to galleries of pictures shot by more competent photogs than myself.
Today I'm going to talk about the Real Gear series of robots as I just got them all in the mail yesterday and I love them to pieces. The Real Gear series is based on the idea that the Allspark goes crazy on Earth and transforms regular devices into robots. How an MP3 player decides to align with evil robots bent on Earth's destruction so soon after being transformed into a sentient being is anyone's guess. I find that asking too many questions significantly diminishes my enjoyment of these things.
On to the pictures.
From left to right we have Speed Dial 800 (cellphone), Power Up VT6 (handheld video game machine), Booster X10 (mp3 player and earpiece) and Longview (binoculars).
From left to right we have Zoom Out 25x (camcorder) and Spy Shot 6 (digital camera).Speed Dial 800
Speed Dial 800's alt mode is a cellular flip phone, complete with camera. As cell phones are pretty dang small nowadays, he's one of the few Transformers that has a life sized alt mode. Not sure if that means anything to you, but I like it. His "display" shows the time of 7:47 on one side which is a cheeky reminder that the movie comes out on July 4th. The other side has the same thing with the Autobot logo, signal strength and battery power. He gets better reception than I do, which is somewhat annoying. As with all of the robots in this series, his transformation is really simple yet entertaining and charming. Also, as with all of the robots in this series, arms and legs will pop off if too much pressure is put on them, which is preferred over having them snap completely off, but if you're planning on giving these to small kids, be prepared to do a lot of ball joint repair. His robot mode is fairly poseable, despite having unnaturally large shins. The joints appear to have the proper amount of stickiness, allowing for poses far more dramatic than the "Hidey Ho!" I have him currently modeling.
Power Up VT6
Power Up VT6 is a handheld video game machine. The fact that he's a Decepticon leads me to believe that Hasbro thinks that video games are evil, particularly Transformer video games, as that's what's being played on his chest. I can somewhat see Hasbro's point with this. After all, if kids are playing video games, they're not playing with Transformers. Oh well, I guess Hasbro will have to just get by with losers such as myself willing to part with hundreds of dollars in the vain hopes that they can reclaim their childhood. Power Up's transform mode is fairly simple, almost too simple as his head, arms and legs are all connected to ease the transformation from robot to game machine. Once you get the mechanics right the fun is somewhat taken out of him, however his alt mode has a bunch of working buttons and who doesn't like buttons. The back of his head is clear plastic, so that if you illuminate him from behind, his eyes not only glow green but peer into your soul and find you lacking.
Booster X10
Booster is the Real Gear version of Laserbeak and I'm just fine with that. The mp3 player transforms into the bird part and the headset just snaps onto his back as a laser cannon. The transform is super easy and his translucent, orange plastic feathers are the shit. He has poseable feet however they are very finicky which, when coupled with his natural front heaviness makes getting him to stand up a bit of a problem. Once you get him posed, don't plan on moving him lest you want to spend the next 15 minutes futzing with his feet. You can't tell from my crappy picture, but you can tilt his head, allowing you to express the full range of inquisitiveness you would expect from a murderous robot bird.
Longview
Longview is my absolute favorite. Maybe it's his massive quads, maybe it's his dude-like face, complete with wraparound visor thing. Maybe it's his big upper body that just screams "weight lifter". I don't know what it is, but this figure is just way too much fun to play with and pose. His alt form is a pair of binoculars that have a random robot image in them, however given that my eyes are much farther apart than your average 5 year old, I can't really see what's going on in there. His transform is pretty easy but with an interesting little part where you fold his head out from the recesses of his crotch. Bummer for him that he has to spend all of the time in alt mode sniffing his own nether regions, but maybe he can turn his head off in alt mode. Let's hope so. He's pretty poseable, and given my thinking of him as some sort of musclebound freak, I was compelled to make him flex for the camera. Later on he's going to go and kick sand in Booster X10's face.
Zoom Out 25x
Zoom Out is a camcorder, and as such is one of the tiniest camcorders you'll ever see. He has a flip out display that pictures, surprisingly enough, a giant robot. His focus ring also moves, if you want to pretend that you're actually using a camcorder the size of a box or raisins. He has an interesting transform, including pulling out these wing things from his back. I'm not sure what purpose they serve other than making him look like the offspring of a camcorder and a large beetle. He's not the most limber of the bunch due to the fact that the main camera body makes up his torso with the eyepiece as one shoulder and the lens as another. He can pose a little, as witnessed by my mad posing skills, but you won't be asking him to break out the breakdancing moves any time soon. I do like that he has one eye bigger and redder than the other. It evokes a zoom lens, or a horrific case of pink eye.
Spy Shot 6
Spy Shot is my second favorite of the Real Gear, and it's all because of his head. I can't put my finger on what his face reminds me of, but he's got these big red goggles and this vaguely Devo-ish head. You can get a better idea of what I'm talking about from this picture in the Seibertron gallery. His alt mode is a camera with a working shutter button. When I say "working", I mean "clicking". His transform is fun, if only because when you first pop out his one arm, his head is right there as if to say "Surprise!". I know it sounds stupid, but when I popped out his arm and saw his big Devo head, I laughed out loud. I'm easily amused. I know this now. He's fairly poseable, despite me not having him doing anything but kind of standing there and has a lot more leg range than the other ones. Plus, he's got pincer hands and pincer hands always win.
I promise to get into more detail for the other Voyager and Deluxe class robots and will possibly pen a 5 part editorial for the Leader class figures, but there's not too much you can say about these guys other than they're lots of fun, pretty creative and at 7 - 8 bucks a figure, you can pick up all 6 for slightly more than a Leader class figure.
As promised, here are links to Seibertron.com's super awesome galleries. They have galleries for everyone but Booster X10 so you'll just have to take my word for how cool he is.
Speed Dial 800
Power Up VT6
Longview
Zoom Out 25x
Spy Shot 6
Monday, June 04, 2007
Flowers
I'm working on getting some Transformer reviews up, as I know you're all anxiously awaiting them, but I have family visiting so I don't have a tremendous amount of time to do reviews. Plus, I need to start playing Death Jr. for the DS once I get it so that I can review it and help pay for all these goddamn robots.
In the meantime, enjoy these pictures of flowers that I took at the Botanical Gardens this past Saturday. Or, you know, don't.
In the meantime, enjoy these pictures of flowers that I took at the Botanical Gardens this past Saturday. Or, you know, don't.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Teh Tagteam
I have been tagged by Monique and while I usually don't engage in such shenanigans, I'm feeling lazy today. I've also been indirectly tagged by Bones, so I'll answer his questions too. Bonus!
First, Monique's...
Three Things That Scare Me
1. Financial ruin
2. Spelunking (thanks to The Descent)
3. My kids growing up to be assholes
Three People Who Make Me Laugh
1. My wife
2. Brian Regan
3. Jim Gaffigan
Three Things I Love
1. My family, but more so, my wife
2. Good barbecue
3. Zelda games
Three Things I Hate
1. Bananas
2. Homophobia
3. Ska music
Three Things I Don't Understand
1. Chemistry. Seriously, I don't understand a goddamn word of it. Covalent bonds my ass!
2. The appeal of baseball. Barry Bonds my ass!
3. Why two loving people who want to be in a committed relationship can tear down the sanctity of marriage simply because they're the same gender but Britney Spears getting married like 19 times does not. Um, my ass!
Three Things On My Desk
1. Pictures of my family
2. Transformers. Lots and lots of Transformers.
3. A Get Fuzzy page a day calendar. Oh that Bucky Katt.
Three Things I'm Doing Right Now
1. Not working.
2. Waiting to go to lunch with Linda.
3. Desperately hoping that Blackout and Ratchet will be at Target.
Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Skydive
2. Go to Hawaii.
3. See Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band in concert. Not just Bruce, they all have to be there.
Three Things I Can Do
1. Write horribly long run-on sentences.
2. Bore my wife by speaking at length about Transformers.
3. Cook
Three Things I Can't Do
1. The "live long and prosper" Vulcan hand thingy.
2. Cartwheels
3. Eat fish.
Three Things I Think You Should Listen To
1. Super 400
2. Silversun Pickups
3. Me. I am a font of amazing advice and knowledge. Stop slouching!
Three Things You Should Never Listen To
1. People who tell you that you're going to fail simply because they have.
2. The entire George W. Bush administration.
3. Me. Seriously, I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground.
Three Things I'd Like To Learn
1. To speak fluent Spanish.
2. To make an omelet like Stanley Tucci does at the end of "Big Night".
3. How to be so thin, yet live so fat.
Three Favorite Foods
1. Pork (includes ribs, sausage, pulled pork, you get the idea)
2. Egg noodles with butter and breadcrumbs
3. Apple fritters from the country store near where Linda's parents live.
Three Shows I Watched As A Kid
1. Transformers
2. Bionic Six
3. G. I. Joe
Now for Bones's, which is 8 random fact/habits about myself.
1. I did a very small stint as a stand up comic in college. The night I bombed horribly taught me more about performing than the nights I did well.
2. The consistency of bananas freaks me out to the point where I can't even listen to my children eat them.
3. I'm going to steal Bones's one here, because he put it so well. "The English language doesn't contain words that accurately express my excitement for the Transformers movie."
4. I always think I look about 10 pounds heavier than I actually am.
5. I wish I could draw.
6. I wish I had more time to cook more elaborate meals.
7. I always tear up when Superman saves the jet in Superman Returns.
8. I enjoy playing multiplayer games, not because I can get a lot of kills, or score a lot of points, but because I can consistently crack people up in the pre-game lobby.
There you go. I'd tag Greg, but I know he doesn't have the time what with Lia Howley, Baby of Wonder having been born! Congrats Greg and Linda on your beautiful new addition. Congrats to Lia for being born and sorry the planet is so fucked up. Once you're old enough to eat ice cream, you'll find that a good brownie sundae goes a long way towards making it all better.
First, Monique's...
Three Things That Scare Me
1. Financial ruin
2. Spelunking (thanks to The Descent)
3. My kids growing up to be assholes
Three People Who Make Me Laugh
1. My wife
2. Brian Regan
3. Jim Gaffigan
Three Things I Love
1. My family, but more so, my wife
2. Good barbecue
3. Zelda games
Three Things I Hate
1. Bananas
2. Homophobia
3. Ska music
Three Things I Don't Understand
1. Chemistry. Seriously, I don't understand a goddamn word of it. Covalent bonds my ass!
2. The appeal of baseball. Barry Bonds my ass!
3. Why two loving people who want to be in a committed relationship can tear down the sanctity of marriage simply because they're the same gender but Britney Spears getting married like 19 times does not. Um, my ass!
Three Things On My Desk
1. Pictures of my family
2. Transformers. Lots and lots of Transformers.
3. A Get Fuzzy page a day calendar. Oh that Bucky Katt.
Three Things I'm Doing Right Now
1. Not working.
2. Waiting to go to lunch with Linda.
3. Desperately hoping that Blackout and Ratchet will be at Target.
Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Skydive
2. Go to Hawaii.
3. See Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band in concert. Not just Bruce, they all have to be there.
Three Things I Can Do
1. Write horribly long run-on sentences.
2. Bore my wife by speaking at length about Transformers.
3. Cook
Three Things I Can't Do
1. The "live long and prosper" Vulcan hand thingy.
2. Cartwheels
3. Eat fish.
Three Things I Think You Should Listen To
1. Super 400
2. Silversun Pickups
3. Me. I am a font of amazing advice and knowledge. Stop slouching!
Three Things You Should Never Listen To
1. People who tell you that you're going to fail simply because they have.
2. The entire George W. Bush administration.
3. Me. Seriously, I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground.
Three Things I'd Like To Learn
1. To speak fluent Spanish.
2. To make an omelet like Stanley Tucci does at the end of "Big Night".
3. How to be so thin, yet live so fat.
Three Favorite Foods
1. Pork (includes ribs, sausage, pulled pork, you get the idea)
2. Egg noodles with butter and breadcrumbs
3. Apple fritters from the country store near where Linda's parents live.
Three Shows I Watched As A Kid
1. Transformers
2. Bionic Six
3. G. I. Joe
Now for Bones's, which is 8 random fact/habits about myself.
1. I did a very small stint as a stand up comic in college. The night I bombed horribly taught me more about performing than the nights I did well.
2. The consistency of bananas freaks me out to the point where I can't even listen to my children eat them.
3. I'm going to steal Bones's one here, because he put it so well. "The English language doesn't contain words that accurately express my excitement for the Transformers movie."
4. I always think I look about 10 pounds heavier than I actually am.
5. I wish I could draw.
6. I wish I had more time to cook more elaborate meals.
7. I always tear up when Superman saves the jet in Superman Returns.
8. I enjoy playing multiplayer games, not because I can get a lot of kills, or score a lot of points, but because I can consistently crack people up in the pre-game lobby.
There you go. I'd tag Greg, but I know he doesn't have the time what with Lia Howley, Baby of Wonder having been born! Congrats Greg and Linda on your beautiful new addition. Congrats to Lia for being born and sorry the planet is so fucked up. Once you're old enough to eat ice cream, you'll find that a good brownie sundae goes a long way towards making it all better.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Crash!
Ah the joys of the long weekend, with its sleeping in until 11, long, languid lunches at the restaurant of your choice and general lazy laying about. My weekend was nothing like this, but I remember what it was like and these thoughts make me weep.
The less said about the weekend the better, however I can say that my children but the "long" in long weekend.
That crashing sound you heard earlier today was Target shattering the Transformers movie toy street date with impunity. I ventured there to return some shirts and felt drawn, nay, pulled to the toy aisle. What greeted me but a host of Transformer toys, including the Leader class Optimus Prime and the Voyager class Ironhide and Starscream. I almost missed Ironhide, but thankfully, my keen eye and persistent collector's spirit took over and I rummaged around like a crazy person. There were no Deluxe figures to speak of, other than the Protoform toys, but they did have all the Real Gear toys. They look like fun and I am anxiously awaiting their arrival.
Optimus is fucking huge, which he should be for 44 goddamn dollars. He, Ironhide and Starscream are currently in the back of the van, waiting for me to take them home and make with the Transforming. This leaves only Ratchet, Blackout and Megatron for Saturday's auspicious toy release event. I'm going to try and wait until Saturday so that I can use some Wal-Mart store credit, but in all honesty, I have zero self control and will probably buy these early if the opportunity presents itself Wal-Mart is a stickler for not selling toys prior to street date lest they incur the wrath of Hasbro. Target apparently shrugs off said wrath, humming a jaunty tune all the while.
I apologize in advance for all of the Transformers stuff you'll have to endure in the coming days. This comment is directed mostly at my wife, but seeing how she represents something like 25% of this site's readership, I felt it was necessary.
If you thought it was easy to purchase old school glass jars for pickling and canning, you would be very, very wrong. Everywhere you look, space age polymers assault your senses, demanding you store your foodstuffs within their tight fitting confines, yet the classic profile of the mason jar is nowhere to be found. I'm all for modern conveniences but I'll be damned if my currently marinating batch of freezer pickles is bottled up in some plastic affront to long term food storage. My pickles deserve better than that. Much better.
The less said about the weekend the better, however I can say that my children but the "long" in long weekend.
That crashing sound you heard earlier today was Target shattering the Transformers movie toy street date with impunity. I ventured there to return some shirts and felt drawn, nay, pulled to the toy aisle. What greeted me but a host of Transformer toys, including the Leader class Optimus Prime and the Voyager class Ironhide and Starscream. I almost missed Ironhide, but thankfully, my keen eye and persistent collector's spirit took over and I rummaged around like a crazy person. There were no Deluxe figures to speak of, other than the Protoform toys, but they did have all the Real Gear toys. They look like fun and I am anxiously awaiting their arrival.
Optimus is fucking huge, which he should be for 44 goddamn dollars. He, Ironhide and Starscream are currently in the back of the van, waiting for me to take them home and make with the Transforming. This leaves only Ratchet, Blackout and Megatron for Saturday's auspicious toy release event. I'm going to try and wait until Saturday so that I can use some Wal-Mart store credit, but in all honesty, I have zero self control and will probably buy these early if the opportunity presents itself Wal-Mart is a stickler for not selling toys prior to street date lest they incur the wrath of Hasbro. Target apparently shrugs off said wrath, humming a jaunty tune all the while.
I apologize in advance for all of the Transformers stuff you'll have to endure in the coming days. This comment is directed mostly at my wife, but seeing how she represents something like 25% of this site's readership, I felt it was necessary.
If you thought it was easy to purchase old school glass jars for pickling and canning, you would be very, very wrong. Everywhere you look, space age polymers assault your senses, demanding you store your foodstuffs within their tight fitting confines, yet the classic profile of the mason jar is nowhere to be found. I'm all for modern conveniences but I'll be damned if my currently marinating batch of freezer pickles is bottled up in some plastic affront to long term food storage. My pickles deserve better than that. Much better.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Damn It Was A Good Day
Man, Thursday turned out to be one of the bestest days evar!
First, the Real Gear robots went on sale at the Hasbro online toy shop, so I was able to use my super Koju code for extra savings and free shipping, thereby saving myself even more money. These savings were offset somewhat by two new Real Gear robots I had no previous knowledge of, but in the end, it's all good. These should ship today, so hopefully I'll have them around the same time the toys go on sale at your local toy shops, unlike my other 6 toys which will arrive some time in the next decade.
Second, when I got home I had three glorious packages waiting for me. One of them was "3 and the Beast", the super rocking new album by Super 400. Not only did it arrive quickly, but my request for an autographed copy upon ordering was granted. Wahey! The band and I hail from the same area and I was able to leverage this for some sweet, sweet John Hancockery. My second package was this very cool Overcompensating poster from web cartoonist extraordiaire, Jeff Rowland. It too was autographed and had a little sketch of Joanna the zombie cat. It patiently awaits framing in its cardboard sleeve. There will only be 250 of these, so I'm like a collector or something. My third package was from Bones and Cathie to celebrate the momentous occasion that was my birth. It included a protoform Optimus Prime and a very nice, stand up Superman card decorated with a custom Batman sketch by Bones himself. It also had some disparaging comments regarding Superman Returns which I have chosen to ignore lest the bonds of friendship between Bones and I go up in flames.
I know it seems like the day absolutely could not get any better, but I was there, and I'm here to tell you that it totally did.
I fired up Crackdown to commandeer some more cars and await a my co-worker Matt's arrival so we could continue the time trials on Psychotic, when I remembered that previous car commandeering missions took me past a hidden orb on a bridge that I wanted to go back and collect. I did not know that you could walk on a catwalk under the bridge, and after collecting the orb, I noticed there were apartment buildings also under the bridge. I ventured over there, found another hidden orb and what, off to the right did I see, but one of the three remaining agility orbs I needed. I ran over and collected it and then went back to the apartment buildings to scour some more. After collecting another hidden orb, I looked around and realized that these buildings bordered some rock outcroppings that I had seen when taking down one of the gang bosses but never really explored. As I looked over the outcroppings, I saw yet another agility orb. I ran over and collected it and was now up to 499 of 500 orbs. Surely there can't be any more, I thought. Best be safe, I thought. I ran over some rocks, to a peninsula that looked vaguely unfamiliar and that's when I saw it.
Ladies and gentlemen, what you see before you is Agility Orb 500 of 500. After going upstairs and behaving like a giddy schoolgirl in front of my wife, I quickly sent a message to Matt regarding my find and then picked up the controller and slowly moved my Agent into the orb, thereby collecting it and unlocking the coveted Free Runner achievement. 50 achievement points gained and one big weight removed from my gaming neck. Truly this is a day that will live forever.
After that it was all good in the hood, kicking time trials ass and taking names. Soon the Psyche Out achievement will also fall before me and I can continue commandeering vehicles all willy nilly.
Once the gaming was done, it was back upstairs to watch the Lost finale, which just happened to be one of the finest season finales I've ever seen and cemented Lost's status as one of the best shows on televison.
Today I didn't even have to use my A.K.
I got to say it was a good day .
First, the Real Gear robots went on sale at the Hasbro online toy shop, so I was able to use my super Koju code for extra savings and free shipping, thereby saving myself even more money. These savings were offset somewhat by two new Real Gear robots I had no previous knowledge of, but in the end, it's all good. These should ship today, so hopefully I'll have them around the same time the toys go on sale at your local toy shops, unlike my other 6 toys which will arrive some time in the next decade.
Second, when I got home I had three glorious packages waiting for me. One of them was "3 and the Beast", the super rocking new album by Super 400. Not only did it arrive quickly, but my request for an autographed copy upon ordering was granted. Wahey! The band and I hail from the same area and I was able to leverage this for some sweet, sweet John Hancockery. My second package was this very cool Overcompensating poster from web cartoonist extraordiaire, Jeff Rowland. It too was autographed and had a little sketch of Joanna the zombie cat. It patiently awaits framing in its cardboard sleeve. There will only be 250 of these, so I'm like a collector or something. My third package was from Bones and Cathie to celebrate the momentous occasion that was my birth. It included a protoform Optimus Prime and a very nice, stand up Superman card decorated with a custom Batman sketch by Bones himself. It also had some disparaging comments regarding Superman Returns which I have chosen to ignore lest the bonds of friendship between Bones and I go up in flames.
I know it seems like the day absolutely could not get any better, but I was there, and I'm here to tell you that it totally did.
I fired up Crackdown to commandeer some more cars and await a my co-worker Matt's arrival so we could continue the time trials on Psychotic, when I remembered that previous car commandeering missions took me past a hidden orb on a bridge that I wanted to go back and collect. I did not know that you could walk on a catwalk under the bridge, and after collecting the orb, I noticed there were apartment buildings also under the bridge. I ventured over there, found another hidden orb and what, off to the right did I see, but one of the three remaining agility orbs I needed. I ran over and collected it and then went back to the apartment buildings to scour some more. After collecting another hidden orb, I looked around and realized that these buildings bordered some rock outcroppings that I had seen when taking down one of the gang bosses but never really explored. As I looked over the outcroppings, I saw yet another agility orb. I ran over and collected it and was now up to 499 of 500 orbs. Surely there can't be any more, I thought. Best be safe, I thought. I ran over some rocks, to a peninsula that looked vaguely unfamiliar and that's when I saw it.
Ladies and gentlemen, what you see before you is Agility Orb 500 of 500. After going upstairs and behaving like a giddy schoolgirl in front of my wife, I quickly sent a message to Matt regarding my find and then picked up the controller and slowly moved my Agent into the orb, thereby collecting it and unlocking the coveted Free Runner achievement. 50 achievement points gained and one big weight removed from my gaming neck. Truly this is a day that will live forever.After that it was all good in the hood, kicking time trials ass and taking names. Soon the Psyche Out achievement will also fall before me and I can continue commandeering vehicles all willy nilly.
Once the gaming was done, it was back upstairs to watch the Lost finale, which just happened to be one of the finest season finales I've ever seen and cemented Lost's status as one of the best shows on televison.
Today I didn't even have to use my A.K.
I got to say it was a good day .
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