It's Not the Heat...

Greetings Squaddies! Welcome back!

Before we get into the science post, did anyone see Pearl Jam on SNL this past Saturday night? I stopped watching SNL some time ago, and now I only record it if the musical guest is of intersest. As Pearl Jam is my most favorite band in the universe, nay, the multiplex, I had to record it. Their new album drops on May 2nd and I am super excited, even more so after watching them Saturday night. The band looked like they were having a great time, the set was tight and Eddie grew his hair out again. Yay! Back in college when I was young, stupid and impressionable, I grew my hair out to just above shoulder length so that I could look like Eddie Vedder. You might be surprised to know that I was in no way successful in looking like a rock star. Eddie played guitar on Worldwide Suicide which still doesn't look right. I remember the first time I ever saw Eddie playing guitar was on SNL and I remember thinking that Eddie doesn't play guitar. I don't know why it looks so odd to me, but it does. Anyway, the band looked fantastic, and Mike McCready looked like he lost some weight, which hopefully is just a health-kick thing and not a side effect (Mike has Crohn's Disease). I've already preordered the CD, and you can too but I'll warn ye, it's a bit pricey. However you do get a live show from 1992 when they opened for Keith Richards. The set includes "Dirty Frank" which is a charming, and often hilarious, song about a cannabilistic killer. Those guys!

Enough musical blathering, let us get wit da science! This week's question, like last week's question, comes from Andy who took time out of his busy motorcycle riding schedule to plum the depths of his scientific curiosity. You too can have your questions answered by me, you need only drop me an email at suburbanjoe - at - gmail - dot - com or leave your questions in the comments. No question is too large or too small. Remember, there are no stupid questions, only stupid questioners. Here we go.

If humidity is the moisture content of the air, why is the west coast less humid than the eastern seaboard, considering they are both close to large water sources?

This is an excellent question, and one that factors into both mine and Andy's lives as we both live in the south (him in VA and me in GA) where summers are disgustingly humid, and both of us have entertained notions of living in San Diego which, weather-wise, is paradise on earth. The difference is that Andy has a chance of living in San Diego where my need to not share a one bedroom apartment with a wife and 2 kids rules the idea out completely.

The short answer is that it's California, so who the hell knows why they do anything? I'm sure they had more humidity and then the residents voted to recall it. Ha! A little political humor there. Right, moving on. The temperature and humidity of your little piece of the world has to do with mainly two things, the temperature of the surrounding geography and which way the wind is blowing. And, as Dylan said, you don't need a weathervane to know which way the wind blows.

For the purpose of determining why CA is less humid than GA, the surrounding geography we're most concerned with are the massive bodies of water on each state's doorstep, the Pacific for CA and the Southern Atlantic/Gulf of Mexico for GA. In the summer, the Pacific ocean is relatively cool, with an average water temperature of around 60 degrees. On the other side of the country, the average temperature of southern Atlantic coast and the Gulf of Mexico is in the mid 80's. To see where we're going with this, take an ice cube and put it in front of a fan so that the fan is blowing over the ice and onto your face. Nice cool air, huh? Now do the same with a cup of hot water. Not so cool now, is it? On a simple level, this is what's happening in the summer in the US. On the west coast, winds blow from the west, over nice, cool 60 degree water and in turn brings cooler air to our folks in CA. On the east coast, air blows up from the Gulf of Mexico and the southern Atlantic Coast, gets warmed up and then hits the eastern seaboard.

Why this makes a difference for humidity is that the air that is warmed or cooled by the prevailing winds contains a small amount of water vapor. I say small, because as a percentage of the atmosphere, water vapor accounts for very little. It may not seem that way when you walk 10 feet to your mailbox and you sweat so much that it looks like someone hit you with a hose, but trust me, it's true. If that water vapor is surrounded by hot air, the temperature of the water vapor increases. If the temp of the water vapor is high, the vapor's pressure is high. If the vapor's pressure is high, the air+vapor combo has a greater capacity to hold water vapor. In other, more simplistic terms, the warmer the air, the more water vapor it can hold, and the more humid it feels. Cool air blowing in from the Pacific can hold less water vapor than warm air blowing up from the Gulf. Hence a nice leisurely pancake breakfast on the sidewalks of San Diego in the summer, and a stank inducing sweatfest jaunt outside in Washington DC.

The temperature and wind combo also accounts for the heat waves that usually hit NYC every summer. The warm air blowing up from the Gulf covers pretty much the entire eastern seaboard, including the Big Apple. That, combined with the heat generated from millions of people crammed in a large city make for some especially warm, and fragrant times. This also explains the joy that is summer nights in upstate NY. Sleeping in coastal CA at night is a wonderful thing, the temps drop, you open the windows, maybe smell the ocean, or the wildfires, or the looting and you drift off into dreamland. Summer nights in upstate NY is like sleeping wrapped in a hot, wet towel. Because the air on the east coast contains more water vapor, the cooling process is slowed considerably, which means that you ain't opening your windows at night. I can remember one of the first apartments Linda and I lived in had brick on the outside, and no air conditioning. In the day, those bricks would bake in the sun and then all that heat would radiate from them at night and it was positively sweltering. Opening the windows did nothing becuase it was warm and humid outside. Her dad rigged up some air conditioner for us, but because it didn't vent out the window properly, it would only run for about 5 minutes before it would shut down. We'd get up in the middle of the night, turn it on, and stand in front of it for those blessed 5 minutes of cold air before it would shudder and shut off. Good times. In contrast, in CA, the dry air can cool much quicker, which leads to a greater temperature variation between day and night.

We've covered summer, so why are the winters in NY and the northeast so bad, if the air is coming from the Gulf? That would be because it isn't. In the winter, the west coast still has air blowing in over the Pacific and this air is significantly warmer than the frigid, earth shatteringly cold air that blows down from Canada into NY and all points north. Once again, it all comes down to wind. Those on the West coast can rest easy, content with the knowledge that the mighty Pacific keeps their weather nice and mellow, which will be helpful when the next Big One hits and California is cast off into the ocean. Good luck and bon voyage!

Sources:

MadSci Network - Why does warm air hold more water than cold air?
ScientificAmerican.com - What causes humidity?
USAToday.com - Air masses bring variety of weather - Chad Palmer
USAToday.com - Answers: Weather, climate of the U.S. West

Fun with Oblivion

Seeing how I've been playing nothing but Oblivion, I thought I'd spin some tales from my adventures. Thrilling, I know. Before I do though, I'd like to take a moment to talk about Tetris DS. The Easter Bunny was kind enough to drop off a copy yesterday (Thanks Easter Bunny! Bawk bawk!) and I played a little last night before being chastised by the wife for not paying attention to The Sopranos. It's amazing that they managed to take Tetris, which was perfectly addicting on its own, and craft multiple amazingly addicting game modes out of it. The combination of Tetris and classic Nintendo themes just rounds out the package. If you like Tetris, it's a no brainer. This week also sees the Japan favorite Brain Age drop for the DS. Fending off Alzheimers has never been so much fun!

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, onward, to Oblivion!

Sir Arcur Ran Away, Away, Bravely Ran Away
So I had heard about this super cool sword you can get early in the game that does copious amount of damage, plus lets you trap souls (soul trapping is necessary if you don't want to pay the outrageous prices for third party magical weapon recharging). The sword is also a quest item for a quest which is known to be broken, and getting it ahead of time is a valid workaround. Having already been through one broken quest, a positively unpleasant experience, I figured I'd get the sword ahead of time, ravage the countryside with it and just give it up when the time came. The problem is that, like most good weapons, the present owner rarely gives it up without a fight, or at the very least, some harsh language. This particular sword owner was no different and I read many the stories about how hard it is to fight her.

Not being one to expend any extra effort if I don't have to, I made my way to the dungeon, found said warrior and after being told to leave, I scoped the place out until I found a perch suitable for my particular brand of cowardice. All my leaping around the countryside like a spring rabbit has given me the ability to scale the greatest of heights, which then allows me to pelt my enemies with arrows while they flail away at the base of my hunting stand, poweless to stand against me. I did the same in this case, but either this chick had like a hojillion hit points or she kept running behind a column to heal herself because I put close to 75 arrows in her and she wasn't anywhere near dead. On to plan B.

Plan B made use of the facts that a) enemies will chase you through doors, b) I had a horse and c) I was a short ride from Imperial City which is positively bristling with legion soldiers, none of whom would be down with this chick pounding on me with her sword, even if I did start the fight. Again I made it down to the dungeon, again she told me to leave, only this time I then smacked her in the face. It was actually kind of funny. I guess you had to be there. I then proceeded to run like a scared child out to my horse and rode with haste to the city. After a few moments, I realized she wasn't chasing me any more, looked back and she was fighting a boar. A boar! Then, once done, she began trudging back to her dungeon. Come on! I dismounted, tagged her with an arrow and the chase was back on. As we approached the city, I could hear the clanking of her armor behind me, behind me, behind me, alongside me, in front of me, what the hell? Apparantly, not wanting to tussle with the guards, she put on a burst of speed, out ran me and my horse, hooked a quick left at the city gate and took off for the surrounding lake. That chick could move. I quickly lost sight of her as she presumably sprinted back to her home. OK, plan C.

Plan C involved everything in plan B, only this time, I'd repeatedly stop to let her whack me with her sword. Actually, I let her whack my horse with her sword, but as the horse seemed to heal without benefit of medical attention, it seemed OK with it. After several minuted of ride-whack-ow-ride-whack-ow, I managed to lead her right into the city. As luck would have it the guard's first and second in command were present. As they're important quest dudes, they can't die, so they quickly dispatched her. The other random guards didn't have the same quest protection, but they died protecting their city from the homicidal maniac that I led to their gates. I'm sure their families are proud. Once she was dead, I looted her body, as well as the bodies of the dead guards and sold off the armor and all weapons but the cool ass sword. Mission accomplished and all it took was some effort and some extra carrots for Ol' Paint. Actually there's no way to give the horse carrots. I just didn't want you to think that the only thing I gave my horse was gaping leg wounds.

For Want of a Horse
No, I also give my horse the sweet release of death. Actually I have no idea where my horse is. I head about this necklace that increases the skill that governs swordplay and my sources had told me that said necklace was in a cave very close to my present location. As my sources all existed on the internet, I should have known that they would be positively wrong in the wrongest sense of the word. When I arrived to said cave I was accosted by this wood nymph kind of chick who likes to conjure bears to do her dirty work for her. Usually, in this case, the best thing to do is ignore the bear and take her down as the bear will dissappear once she's gone. The problem here was that the bear was trying to eat my horse, so while I was taking the chick down, my horse got fed up and ran off. Either that or it died. I'm not really sure. All I know is that I couldn't find it once the nymph had been dispatched. Lovely.

I head into the cave, fight through the entire thing and no necklace. I found some cool stuff, sure, but I don't need the cash that comes with selling good loot, I need a necklace that makes me better at slicing and dicing. Earlier in the game, I had helped out some merchants and exposed a corrupt guard who had been shaking them all down. Apparantly he got out of jail and tracked me down, because as I entered one room and was beset by a minotaur and a will-o-the-wisp, this guy showed up and started attacking me. I believe my exact words were, "Now? You're doing this now?!" Here's something you may not know. Minotaurs and will-o-the-wisps will attack adventuring treasure hunters on site, but will have no problem with vengeance fueled ex-cons. I managed to lead them all into this one huge room where I backpedaled around a big central pit and alternated between hitting them with my sword and shooting them with arrows. It was all very surreal.

Once I realized that the necklace was nowhere to be found, I decided to head to a nearby inn and return some notes to a researcher who had lost them in the cave. I figured that I should at least get something out of this whole debacle. Upon arriving I was immediately taken into custody by a guard and fined 1000 bucks, for what I don't know. 1000 bucks! I don't know if it was for killing the ex-con or letting my horse die or what. All I know is that this little trip cost me 1000 bucks in fines as well as a horse, the replacement cost of which will probably be about 5 grand. Plus, I had to pay to get my weapons and armor repaired, which cost about 4 grand. All in all, I think I made 1000 bucks off of the loot, which puts me 9 grand in the hole. Thank you internet! I can do without a horse, but it makes finding places on the map a lot easier, especially if the places you find are besieged by baddies that you don't feel like fighting. I can usually just run away from them and they leave me alone. Stupid nonexistant necklace.

Grand Theft Oblivion
Even though I rolled an evil player, I find that I'll pretty much do anything for anyone, even if it's a good deed. I haven't joined the Fighter's Guild as that appears to be a bastion of goody-too-shoes ness and I don't swing that way. About 90% of my time is spent breaking into people's homes and stealing things as well as doing quests that have me assassinating people, so even if I wanted to be good, there's too much fun to be had by being bad. That being said, I try not to outright murder people if there's no reason to, as it only brings the law down on me and that's bad for business. However, on occasion, I'll make an exception. As part of a different quest, I had to travel to this guy's house and get a staff back from him. Even when I used my magical wiles to charm him into the stratosphere, the best I could do is get him to sell me the staff for 200 bucks. I must have pissed the guy off somehow because he called the guards on me and I had to pay another fine and all of my stolen stuff was confiscated, including some stuff that I had pilfered for the purpose of some quests down the line. At this point, I vowed that once I wrapped up my current quest (no killing allowed during Thieves Guild quests) I am going to go back to this guy's house and take him out. Him and his very unpleasant wife too. If they call the guards on me, I'll promptly pay the fine and then head back to the house to finish the job. I don't think that the game has anything like restraining orders, so let them try and stop me. Besides, I'm the Arena Grand Champion. I go where I want and do what I want. Plus, that dude owes me 200 bucks and I mean to collect.

I have a line on some interesting quests including one about a haunted beach and one about a shrine that nets you a staff that will change your non-human enemy into a randomly picked creature for 30 seconds. It may not make the fight any less difficult but it will certainly make it more interesting. I keep telling myself to wrap up what I'm doing before taking on new work, but then someone is telling me about some ghostly fort and I'm all like "yeah, I'll do that". I've put over 30 hours into the game and I've just barely started the main quest. Where those 30 hours have gone, I have no idea. I do know that I haven't played a game in a very long time that make it so easy to have fun just exploring around. If they could somehow make the level loading times disappear, you'd have the perfect experience.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to talk to a guy about a horse.

Party Like It's 1989

I walked to the bank today and cashed a check. It was positively old school.

Some Random Observations

Ah Friday, when all narrative flow jumps right out the window. There's a rhyme in there, should you want to look for it. I should do these posts on Monday so that I can tell good stories rather than the current strategy which is to just blather on in a fatigue induced fugue. That's a good word, fugue. Let's all say it together, "fugue". Good stuff. Of course, if I switched around the order of things my gaming posts would all be on the order of "Me like games. Games good." The wife would probably enjoy that very much, so perhaps it warrants consideration.

I have some observations for you today. Perhaps you have observed similar things in your lives. Perhaps not and I've observed them for you. If that's the case, then you should stop reading this, get out there and make your own observations. Come back on Monday and we'll share.

In no particular order, here are some things I've been privy to in the past weeks:

* If, at the time you go to bed, you turn off the light in the hallway and barely open your sleeping daughter's door so that you can turn her ceiling fan off, the resulting shift in air pressure will wake her up and she'll spend the night screaming. On the other hand, if, at some point in the evening, she throws up all over herself and her crib, she'll sleep right through it.

* A room that has been an all-night vomitorium smells bad enough to make the heavens weep. A more noxious odor exists in no place other than the blackest pits of hell.

* A baby that has slept in vomit all night is surprisingly receptive to a bath at 6 in the morning.

* If you have recently moved to a time clock situation at work, you will hit every red light on your way to work, ensuring your late arrival. Intersections that went for years without the benefit of illuminated traffic direction will spring traffic lights, like flowers in the springtime, solely to slow you down. Old people in walkers will be out in droves to cross every interesection you come to, impeding your progess lest you run them down and risk being late to work by 15 minutes and 15 - 20 years.

* No matter how much you have come to terms with an unpleasant new work development, when the time comes to actually start implementing said new work development, you will be filled with pools of black rage.

* It is unhealthy to spend 8 hours a day filled with pools of black rage. 5 hours is probably the upper limit in that situation.

* When someone decides to use a conference room for a phone call, they will talk louder when the door is shut, as if they want the rest of the floor to hear their conversation, but they know that they should shut the door because it's the polite thing to do. Either that or they think that closing the door magically turns the room into a soundproof fortress of solitude and they can now yell with abandon and sheer joy at the prospect of being at work. On a similar note, these same people think that using a speakerphone is preferable to picking up a handset, so that the rest of the floor can hear both sides of the conversation.

* We hate the aforementioned people.

* When you are very busy at work, and too tired to post at home, your head is filled with stories. When you have nothing but time on your hands, you make unfunny posts about stupid observations.

* 10 observations is probably enough

Have a good weekend and a happy Sunday holiday. If you're celebrating the resurrection of your Lord and Saviour, good on you. If you're celebrating the exodus of your people, enjoy the matzoh. If you just like candy, try the Reese's Fudge Peanut Butter Eggs. They're to die for.

Tattoo Time

First of all, I'd like to take this time to wish my beautiful bride a very happy birthday. Supposedly it's not polite to talk about a woman's age, so let's just say that she's a year older than she was last year. Some people say that they don't get older, they just get better and this definitely applies to her, because I love her more now than I ever did. Not that she wasn't good last year, she was pretty damn awesome. She just seems to be getting better and better as she gets older. By the time we're old enough to retire, she'll be so good I'll barely be able to stand her. Kidding!

Today's science post is all about a subject near and dear to my heart, namely tattoos. I love my tattoos and want copious amounts of them. The only thing holding me back at the moment is spousal acceptance, which is a force stronger than any in the universe. Our question of the week comes from my good friend Andy who asks:

Why do tatoos persist without spreading out or dissolving?

An excellent question, and proof to all of you out there sitting on your own questions, that I do take the time to answer reader requests. So send 'em in!

This is a pretty interesting question and gets to the inner workings of our biggers organ, namely our skin. Your skin is comprised of three layers, the epidermis, the dermis and the hypodermis. The epidermis is the skin you can see. Cells from this layer routinely work their way from the bottom of the epidermis up to the surface where they are sloughed off and feasted on by dust mites as you sleep. Some disgustingly high percentage of dust is actually human skin cells, which freaks me out to no end. The next time you're dusting, think about how most of what you just picked up is what stayed behind from Aunt Mabel's last visit. Ew. If your tattoo ink was deposited solely in the epidermis, it wouldn't be the permament testament to your love of Dokken that it is today.

Instead, tattoo ink is deposited in the dermis, which is the layer that gives skin it's elasticity. The dermis is comprised of all of the fun parts of your skin, including sweat glands and hair follicles. You don't get much more fun than sweat glands. Hoo boy. The dermis is also the home to fibrocyte cells, dendritic cells, macrophages, and mast cells. The first cells, fibrocytes, are responsible for proteins that establish the network of connective tissue that keep the dermis together. Those last three cells, dendritic cells, macrophages, and mast cells, help keep the dermis's immune response working.

When you get a tattoo, your epidermis and dermis are punctured many, many times by the buzzing tattoo needle and ink particles are deposited in the top most layer of the dermis. At this point, your body's immune response takes over. Macrophage cells and other phagocytic cells head to the area, find all these ink particles in the dermis, and proceed to "eat" the ink particles. As a result, the ink particles are enveloped by the macrophage and other phagocytic cells. As the tattoo heals, the cells containing the tattoo ink are trapped in the rebuilt connective tissue. For about a month after the tattoo, some ink particles escape up through the epidermis, but by 2 - 3 months, all of the ink is safely trapped in the dermis. This helps to explain why your nice, vivid tattoo becomes somewhat less vivid 2 - 3 months after its application, revealing any areas that need to be touched up.

Over time, the cells containing the ink move deeper into the dermis, and some of the cells migrate to the lymph nodes to say "Hey! Look what I captured!" This helps to explain why tattoos fade over time, however there's no clear answer to this question. Presumably, once all the diseases in the world are cured, science will turn it's eye to the important questions of tattoo fading.

So, to answer Andy's question simply, the reason that tattoo ink doesn't spread out or dissolve is because the ink is trapped in immune system cells that are themselves trapped in the fibers of the skin as the skin heals.

The other thing to take away from this post, as anyone with a tattoo can tell you, is that the care you give your tattoo immediately following its application is crucial to the health and longevity of your tattoo. The better care you can give your skin, such as moisturizing and proper application of antiobiotics, the better your body can focus on consuming and trapping the tattoo ink, rather than fighting off other infections or other damage to the skin. Similarly, this outlines why sun damage is so bad for tattoos. Sun damage kills skin cells, requiring the immune system cells to leave the dermis, where they're keeping the ink, and tend to the cells being killed by our good buddy Mr. Sun. For those with external tattoos, keep 'em moisturized and keep 'em sunscreened. That way you can have them well into your golden years, where they'll act as a constant reminder of when you were young and stupid.

Sources:
BME News - Tattoos
VeloNews - Ask the Doctor: Tattoos and beauty are skin deep
TeensHealth - Tattoos

Top 5 Gaming Moments

As usual, I'm having a hard time coming up with a gaming post, as all I'm doing is playing Oblivion and I don't think I can write up a whole post about Arcur sitting at his kitchen table making V8 fatigue potions. Maybe I can, we may find out next week. Actually, I haven't been playing too much as we've had family visiting and they tend to frown upon being abandoned for long periods of time while I triapse around the virtual countryside harvesting mushroom caps and fighting the undead. Whenever my sister is visiting and I come up from playing she always asks the same question, "Did you win?" which just goes to show the lack of understanding about how games have progressed. In the past, I've tried to explain what I've been playing and I just get that glassy eyed look my wife gives me during similar discussions, so now I just say "Yes, I won" and move on. I think she thinks I'm downstairs playing Pong or something, when in reality the fate of the world rests in these hands! That and Pong.

Whenever I'm in a bind, useless lists seem to fit the bill for content, so without further ado, here are my Top 5 Gaming Moments. Yay.

#5 - Playing Fallout 2
Techincally this isn't a moment, more like a very long string of moments, but Fallout 2 is the game that got me playing RPGs, and I've never looked back since. I had just heard about Electronic Boutique's policy of buying back PC games, back when they could buy back PC games, so I went into the store with a boatload of games, expecting to get enough credit to get maybe one game, and most likely I'd have to supplement the price with my own fundage. I managed to get enough money to buy 3 games, so flush with cash, I picked 2 games that I knew I'd like (Quake 2 and Sanitarium) and used the rest to try a genre I had never tried before. I picked up the Fallout 2 box and was immediately impressed with the physical weight. Any game that had such a hefty manual had to be good. The box art seemed cool, as did all of the options with character creation. I brought it home, installed it, booted it up and proceeded to play one of the greatest games ever created. So much of what I love about RPG's came from that game and so much about what I expect in an RPG came from that game. The character creation system was amazing. If you wanted to create a drug addicted, medical doctor who also sniped on the side, you could. I should know, because I did. The turn based system could make some battles a little on the long side, but that was pretty much the only thing I could find wrong with the damn thing. To this day, when playing an RPG, my first instinct is to kill the merchants and just take whatever it is they're trying to sell me. Thanks Fallout 2, for making me the homicidal shopper I am today! I still try to branch out into other genres when I have a little extra cash, which has helped me find games I love and normally wouldn't have played, like Burnout and helped me learn that I suck at fighting games.

#4 - Killing a Half-Dragon Single Handedly in Baldur's Gate 2: Throne of Bhaal
I spoke about this last week, but here's what actually went down. In this particular battle, once you beat on this dude long enough, he'd ditch his humanoid form and turn into this huge dragon and proceed to beat you senseless. My party was getting tore up and things weren't working. I took a break from the fighting and came up with a strategy. First, I led my party way out of harm's way and told them to stay put. Utilizing Tipsy's kick ass trap setting ability, I set a boatload of traps down the stairs from where the battle took place. Then, armed with my own gear, as well as a Time Stop scroll and a staff that conferred Invisibility, from one of my party members, I headed up to meet my fate. One of the perks that I had taken as I was leveling up, was the ability to use magical items (although not learn spells myself) which would prove to be essential in this battle. After some witty banter with my nemesis, I cast the Time Stop spell, which allowed me to get in some good thwacks without taking any damage myself. I used my Whirlwind ability to turn into a whirling dervish of damage and hit this dude with a sword that did extra damage to dragons in one hand, and with a sword that reduced your opponent's armor rating with every hit, in another hand. My plan was to get him to his dragon state as quickly as possible. My plan worked, and as soon as the Time Stop spell ended, he switched forms. His first order of business was to use his wings to blow me down the temple steps, which was exactly what I was hoping he'd do. Once I stood up, I equipped the Invisibility staff, and poof, no more Tipsy. The dragon-dude, unable to find me or my party, came down the stairs looking for me and instead found about a dozen explosive traps. They all went off, he died and just like that it was over. As they say, prior planning prevents piss poor performance. For once being a pack rat paid off.

#3 - Playing on Xbox Live for the First Time
It was January of 0f '04. I had purchased an Xbox in the fall after borrowing Andy's to play Knights of the Old Republic and had been content to rock the solo tip. We had been living in the stone ages of dial-up and our cable provider offered this deal where you could get an entire year of broadband via cable modem for something like 35 bucks a month. Seeing how we spent 22 a month on dial-up, this was a no-brainer. Of course, once broadband was "in the house" as the kids would say, Andy was insistant that I get Xbox Live. I did, and the first game I played online was Rainbow Six 3. I absolutely suck at this game, but the fact that I could play either against other people or with folks in a co-op mission without having to invite a bunch of people over and move around furniture was amazing. It also opened up to me an entire group of people who loves gaming as much as I do, and keeps me from having to game with the general public. I've met some great people through this group, and talk to them daily online. While I may not play online as much as others do, being able to via Live has expanded my circle of friends in a way that never would have been possible for a hermit such as myself without Live.

#2 - Playing a GameBoy for the First Time
I am a complete Nintendo handheld whore. If Nintendo comes out with a handheld, chances are I'll buy it. Despite having a DS, and loving it, I'm seriously considering buying a DS Lite, for no other reason that it's a "new" Nintendo handheld. This all started many, many years ago, when my friends and I started hanging out at Joe's house on Friday nights to watch the Mike Tyson fights on HBO. Joe was the only person with HBO and the only person with parents that would let a group of obvious losers such as us in their house. I think it helped that my sister was one of Joe's mom's favorite students (Joe's mom was an art professor), but not by much. As those that watched boxing in the late 80's can remember, Tyson fights were real big on build up and post-fight commentary, but low on fight action as Tyson would usually lay the guy out in two hits. That left a lot of time just hanging around and goofing off. Joe's brother had a GameBoy, which he always left in the basement, so while we were all waiting for Tyson to tear his latest opponent apart, I would play Tetris and Castlevania on the GameBoy, completely ignoring my friends in the process. This beget a long, proud tradition of not only handheld gaming, but ignoring those that are in my midst while I play the latest handheld gaming machine. I had a long lapse between the GameBoy, to the GameBoy Color, back in 99, but I've been going strong ever since. GameBoy Color to GameBoy Advance to GameBoy Advance SP to my current DS. I skipped the Micro, as I'm not into the games as fashion accessories thing, and I briefly strayed from the path and bought a PSP, but that was quickly rectified and I am now firmly esconced in Nintendo's handheld house. All because of Joe's brother, good old whatever his name was.

#1 - Learning that I Could Save My Progress in Space Quest
I don't remember the exact year, but as a young boy, I would spend most of my summer with my mom in upstate New York, and a few weeks with my dad in Annapolis, MD. Dad always had stuff planned, but he also usually had to work for a bunch of days while I was there. He had bought a computer for his home business (he prepared taxes for people on the side) and bought me a copy of Space Quest to play on it during the day. Many the afternoons were spent staring at that orange and black screen, playing Space Quest while I ate my Stouffer's French Bread pizzas and frozen Skor bars. But all was not well in the land of junk food and video gaming. There was a part in the game where you had to drive some hoverbike thingy across this rocky landscape, and I'd always die and then have to start all over from the beginning. One day, after doing this for the billionth time, I thought that there had to be some way for the computer to know what I had been doing and keep my progress. I reread the manual, and there they were, instructions on how to save my game. My computer experience up until that point had been next to nothing, so I had no concept of saving a game, to even think it was possible in the first place. All I knew was that I was pissed at having to do the entire first half of Space Quest again, despite being able to get it done in about 20 minutes flat. I grabbed a floppy, saved my progress and probably got the hoverbike section done on the next try. Since that moment, and probably because of it, poorly designed, or nonexistant save points have been my number one pet peeve in gaming. It is inconceivable to me, that I had the ability to save games back in the day of 2 color gaming, but I can't today just because I'm playing on a console. You can talk all you want about it being a design choice but it's laziness, pure and simple, and because people don't equate saving your progress with consoles, they don't expect it. It drives me nuts. I'm just glad that I found that floppy, because otherwise I'd probably still be sitting there.

Friday = My Day

Greetings. Welcome to Friday. We hope your stay is a good one.

I'm going to riff on a number of topics today as I don't have a story, as such, to relate. I have a bunch of things that need to be turned into a narrative at some point, but they also involve the uploading of pictures to computers and I really can't be bothered with such things. What I need to do is view these preparations as necessary to ensure that I have fallback plans for when Fridays come and I have nothing to write about. I also need to iron about a dozen articles of very wrinkled clothing, and I don't see that happening either. Given that there is a week in May when the missus and I will be frolicking in Disneyworld, far away from the plaintive wailing of hungry children, I should start preparing entries for that week to be posted in my absence. At the rate I work, they'll be finished in time for us to go to whatever Disney theme park they build once we've colonized Mars.

Speaking of my children, usually I would take this time to write a story about them that starts off with gruff words about their habits but eventually travels to a place where you know that I care about them, besides all of my bluster. That ain't gonna happen as lately they've been annoying the shit out of me. My daughter explodes with rage if food is not readily available upon her return home from a hard day of eating constantly at school. I can guarantee that even if I were to provide her with her own ham to consume during the 10 minute ride home, if dinner were not on the table, her fits of anger would ignite the atmosphere. My son reacts to her actions by yelling "You're fine!" in or very close to her face. I admonish him for this behaviour, but on the inside I cackle with glee. I know that it's just her age, and that it's equal amounts of hunger and frustration in her inability to express what she wants, however when one has had a long day and they're trying to make dinner but they can't hear anything over the deafening cries of the 2 foot tall child sprawled out on the kitchen floor, screaming like a banshee, one loses all sense of context. I guess I should just be glad that she's eating as we've been through the alternative and that was neither fun, nor exciting.

My son, who is 3 going on 17, has learned to express his opinion as to what he does and doesn't want to do. Like any good father, I don't give a shit. Ha! I'm kidding. Not really. I mean, yes, I care what he wants to do for things he has a choice in, however when I'm telling him to put his pants on, and the answer is "I don't want to", my interest in his opinion is dwarfed by my desire to not have to take him to Target bare-assed. I know that there's a school of parenting that says I should acknowledge his wishes and calmly explain something or other, to which I say, "Sure. Fine. Whatever." What I'd like to say is "Don't sass me boy." and then make him go plow the back 40 for his insolence, but instead I usually just tell him to not talk back to me and just do what I'm telling him to do. It is during these moments, that I truly do not understand people who cave whenever their child exhibits such behaviour. It's not like he's being cute and cuddly and with big puppy eyes saying "But I don't wanna put my widdle pants on" which makes your heart melt. No, this is a defiant, foot stomping refusal that instantly makes me want to deny him pretty much anything he could possibly ask for, including the most basic of necessities like food, shelter or Hot Pockets. I guess some people just don't see their kids in bad lights, which is unfortunate, because those kids are assholes now, and they're just going to be even bigger assholes in the future. Unlike my children, who will be broken shells of their former selves, after being crushed under their parents' iron will.

Apparantly I didn't get the memo about not having anything kid-related to talk about.

I purchased the newly released "Operation Mindcrime 2" by Queensryche yesterday, mostly on the basis of good reviews I had read by some fellow gamers. As I do not want to appear like I am trivializing their opinions, all I'm going to say at this point, is that my first listen to the record leads me to believe that they bought entirely different albums than I did. I am tempering this with the notion that I am notoriously hard on follow up albums that do not sound very much like the preceding album, be it an artist's second album, or something like this case, a sequel of sorts. My first listen to the second All American Rejects album left me cold, however subsequent listenings propelled it to the top of my list of favorite recent albums. I'm hoping that repeated listenings to Mindcrime 2 will endear it to me. I will say that the second album is a lot less straightforward in it's narrative. I think this is because the first album was more about people's actions, and this one is more about people's feelings. I will also say that Ronnie James Dio sounds like shit. Just one man's opinion.

Another album that I purchased recently and am enjoying immensely is "Collision Course" the Jay-Z / Linkin Park mash-up album. I have never given Linkin Park much thought, however I'm a huge Jay-Z fan and, for the most part, their music works real well together. The DVD that came with the cd is an interesting look into the recording sessions as well as a very good sounding performance of the mashups. The thing that struck me the most was how comfortable Jay-Z seemed in letting Linkin Park perform some of his stuff. There are a lot of artists out there who's ego would probably keep them from letting someone else take center stage, if only for a moment, but Jay has this look on his face that says he knows he's the best, so let these kids have their fun. The performance also cemented in my mind the positive influence a DJ can have on a rock band, and a live band can have on an MC.

If you want to see how good rap and live music can work together, look no father that Jay-Z Unplugged, where he is backed up by the magnificent Roots. Think to how powerful a band like Audioslave would be with a DJ in their midst. I love me some Tom Morello, but sometimes he plays guitar like a boy who wanted a turntable for Christmas and got a guitar instead. Undaunted, he began to make the latter sound like the former. Bringing in a DJ would let him play more guitar type riffs or, at the very least, allow for some cool ass back and forths between him and the DJ as they compete to see who can make their respective instruments most sound like a cat being pressed through a colander.

I made a kick ass meat loaf last night. I would divulge the recipe, but that would break the unspoken agreement between me and Cooking Light, where I don't publish their copyrighted material and they don't sic the dogs of war on me. After the meal was finished, the whole house smelled like glorious meat loaf. This inspired me to come up with a line of men's candles that smell like manly man things such as meat loaf, barbecued ribs, chili, and fear of commitment. I know that were I single, and I wanted to fill my homestead with a delightful aroma, I wouldn't pick the hyacinth candle, rather I'd pick the scent that made my house smell like delightful hickory. This would also allow the non-cooking men to light a Baked Ham candle, and then go out and purchase said item, thereby giving the impression to the lady that they are trying to impress, that they slaved over a home cooked meal. Nothing impresses a woman more than home cooked ham. We're currently focus testing names for the candles, but my initial idea was Mandles, however it would appear that name was taken by someone with similar ideas. I hope that the market space is big enough for several individuals all hell bent on making a home smell like steak.

The End of Color As We Know It

Don't worry, color isn't ending. As far as I know, you'll continue to see the world in all of its vibrant hues. Well, maybe not you. We'll talk.

Anyways, this is our last post into the origins of color. I had a ton of fun with all of the researching as well as the writing. Hopefully you all got something out of it as well. Now when a small child ever asks you why the sky is blue or why leaves are green you can give them an answer that ensures not only their scientific literacy, but that you'll never be asked stupid questions again. That, my friend, is a win-win.

This last week's post deals with colors that come about from various optical phenomena, namely scattering and interference. In a nutshell, whenever light hits something that prevents it from traveling in a straight line, the light has been scattered. If the light is stopped completely, we say that the light was absorbed, which is just a very extreme case of scattering. In some cases, the light is scattered in such a way as to send all parts of the spectrum back to your eye equally. Those items appear to be white. In other cases, the scattering is not equal, and the unequal scattering results in some parts of the spectrum making it to your eye, and some parts not. This brings us to our friend, the blue sky.

The sky is blue due to a form of scattering called Rayleigh scattering. Rayleigh scattering, named for Lord Rayleigh, he of the argon discovery, is scattering done by particles that are smaller than the wavelength of light. I'll spare you the formula, but the scattering is dependent upon the size of the particles and the wavelength of light. In fact, the intensity of the scattered light is inversely proportional to the wavelength of light, which means that when one thing (the wavelength) goes down in value, the other thing (the amount of scattering) goes up. Not only is the relationship an inverse proportional one, but the intensity is inversely proportional to the wavelength to the power of 4. In other words, really small wavelengths, like, oh, I don't know, the blue part of the spectrum, have a high intensity when scattered, while light with a large wavelength, like red, has a low intensity. This is why the sky seems uniformly blue, the intensity of the blue scattered light is incredibly high, and it appears to be coming from everywhere. Light comes from the sun, hits the particles in the atmosphere, gets scattered and voila, the sky is blue.

During sunrise or sunset, the light you're seeing has to travel through a much larger chunk of the atmosphere to get to your eye. During its travels, the light has the blue parts of the spectrum scattered multiple times and essentially stripped out. What you see is all that's left, namely violet and red. OK, that last part isn't true. The blue parts aren't stripped out, they're just being scattered to the ground earlier in the light's journey. Just because it's sunset for you, doesn't mean it's sunset for everyone there pal. While you're looking at the red light from scattering, someone else is seeing the blue portion. Somewhere in there is some lesson about togetherness or some such bullshit. FYI, the particles in clouds are too big to scatter the light via Rayleigh scattering, so the light gets scattered uniformly and the clouds appear white.

Interference is what happens when two or more waves intefere with each other so that a new wave is created in the process. It usually has to do with waves that are coherent with each other, because they have the same source or the same frequency. Let us not forget that light is a wave, and as such, it can be interfered with. When light passes through a plane with multiple slits in it, the crests of some of the waves interact with the troughs of some of the other waves and the two cancel each other out. As a result, bye-bye light. The size of the slits determines which frequencies of a wave are amplified. This becomes important later.

In the case of butterflies, such as the beautiful Blue Morpho and birds, such as the peacock, the color of the wings has to do with interference. A butterfly's wings is covered in very small scales, that are layered in such a way as to provide multiple slit interference. Ditto for peacock feathers, only instead of scales, it's thin, plate-like layers, like, you know, scales. Light that hits these scales travels through the slit, and reflects off the scales at the same time. The resulting new wave combination amplifies the blue part of the spectrum for the Blue Morpho, and every goddamn part of the spectrum for the peacock, depending on what you're looking at. The various colors of the peacock are caused by the size of the slits as well as the thickness of the layers of plates and the angle of view. Interference is also the cause of color for pearls and beetles. Who knew that something so simple as two light waves smashing into each other could be responsible for such beauty. Truly we could all learn something from violence. Wait, no, ah, never mind.

Next week we tackle the first in a long line of reader requested questions as we find out why that Pikachu tattoo looks so damn good now, but will only serve to annoy and terrify you with it's blurry, indistingushable features when you're 75. 'Til then Squaddies, take care.

Sources:

Wikipedia - Interference
Wikipedia - Iridescence
Wikipedia - Rayleigh Scattering
WebExhibits - Causes of Color

Classic Gaming: Baldur's Gate 2

Welcome to the first of an unofficial series of posts where I talk about my favorite games from years gone by. While I'm trying to pass these off as an attempt to talk about what games shaped my love of the hobby, in truth I don't have anything new to write about and I'm desperate for content. The reason I don't have anything new to write about is because all I've been doing is playing Oblivion, and there are only so many tales of being a bad-ass lizard dude that you, my faithful readers, can stomach. In case you're wondering about my progress, I'm even more bad-ass than before, but not nearly as bad-ass as I feel I can be. Enough about Oblivion. Let's give Baldur's Gate 2 the love it deserves.

Fallout 2 was the game that first got me into RPG's, but Baldur's Gate 2 is the game that made the RPG genre my favorite. I had played the original Baldur's Gate, and while I had fun with it, at some point I got bored with it, and cheated my way to the end so that I could see what happened. I'm not sure what happened between the first one and the second one to rekindle my interest, but I think it had something to do with the sheer number of class variants you could choose when starting up the sequel. In Baldur's Gate, you had the normal D&D classes, thief, fighter, cleric, etc. Baldur's Gate 2 allowed you to do class variants to further customize your characters, and that, as they say, made all the difference.

I played a thief in Baldur's Gate, specifically a drunken thief named Tipsy McSwagger. When creating your character, you were given the option of choosing a voice set so that when you ordered your character around, they would say different things. As I clicked my way through the choices, I came across one that sounded like a drunk Scottsman. In a flash, I remembered the name Tipsy McSwagger's from the Simpsons, and my character was born. Tipsy was a thief who hid his stealing behind a near constant state of drunkeness. As most people wouldn't think that someone who drank as much as he did was capable of stealing, he was able to ply his trade rather well. The thing he couldn't do well though, was hide his love of the ladies, and many the time was he discovered in the bed of some Lord's wife, only to have to beat a hasty retreat out the window.

As you can see, the Baldur's Gate series taught me the benefit of spending the time to develop a back story, and a personality for your character. In my mind, Tipsy was this thief who could stumble around a tavern, picking pockets while appearing drunk, and who could jump on the tables and fight off several men at once, when they showed up to take him to task for bedding half the women in the town. The thief class didn't necessarily allow for this vision that I had, but when Baldur's Gate 2 came out, with its class variants, I found the one that was perfect for Tipsy: the Swashbuckler. The Swashbuckler let him wield a weapon in each hand, and gave him some extra combat abilities but with this, he lost the ability to backstab (a strike when concealed that did extra damage). In my vision of Tipsy, this worked, as he wasn't one to skulk in the shadows. In fact, he liked being caught too much to hide in the shadows, for the showman in him enjoyed the spectacle of being discovered.

Character creation aside, the game did everything right. The pacing was perfect, with just the right amount of side quests for those that wanted so stray from the path, but gentle nudging onto the main path when needed. Your party members were actual characters with personalities and conflicts with each other. You could fall in love and bed several of them (although not at the same time) if you so desired. Minsc, the ranger who, after getting knocked on the head, starts talking to Boo his space hamster, is one of the most memorable characters I've come across in any medium.

One of the great things about the game was how your character slowly progressed as they leveled up. When Baldur's Gate starts, your first level character is one that has to hide from dogs lest they be torn asunder. By the end of Shadows of Amn, you and your party have an amazing set of skills and talents that make you feel like a god, which, in a way you are, as you're a child of Bhaal, the God of Murder. If you then completed the expansion pack, Throne of Bhaal, you gain even more experience, climb even more levels and become some of the most powerful beings you'll see in gaming. I remember vividly using a combination of my stealth, trap setting abilities and my ability to use magical items to single-handedly kill a fellow child of Bhaal. Killing one guy by myself may not seem like a big deal, but this dude was half-dragon and once you got about halfway through the fight, he revealed his parentage in a rather spectacular fashion. So, technically I single-handedly killed a dragon, but I don't want to brag, Oh wait, yes I do.

There's so much about the game I remember, from rushing to the store the day I came back from a trip to Florida to get it so that I could roll up Tipsy before the next morning, to posting in-character on a BG2 message board with Andy. So much of what I love about gaming was represented in that game, that it makes me wistful to think about it again. The fact that I had a hell of a lot more time to devote to gaming back then probably helps too. Part of the reason that I'm enjoying Oblivion so much, is that it reminds me a lot of BG2. The openendedness is very similar, although it is done to a much greater degree in Oblivion, as well as the connection I have to my character. I'm also enjoying being able to talk to my fellow gamers about it, before we all fracture again and go back to Ghost Recon, Battlefield 2 or whatever the current game of the week is.

When I was in the store picking up Oblivion the other day, I saw BG2 and the expansion pack together for 20 bucks. I considered, and am still considering, picking it up and installing it on my laptop so that I can play it while watching TV. Two things are keeping me from doing this. One is that I have enough games to play as it is, between the DS and the 360 and I really don't need another one to blather on about in front of Linda. The second is that I don't want to play it and have my memories in any way diminished by the cold light of reality. Maybe it isn't as good as I remember it to be, and I'm not sure I want to give up the game I have in my head, and in my heart. 20 bucks is a small price for such a fantastic piece of gaming, but losing how I remember the game to be is a considerable expense and one I'm not sure I'm willing to risk paying.

That being said, for those that haven't played it yet, get the hell out there right now and do it. You won't be dissappointed.

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad

Two weeks in a row without a Friday post. What's to come of me? I blame my wife. She's been traveling, and thus, my muse is gone. Yes, let's blame her.

Strike Up the Band

Welcome back Science Squaddies! We're almost done with our journey through the wild world of color. Bear with us, as we're almost done. I know, I know, what will you fill your time with when it's done? I'm sure you'll find something. Oh wait, more glorious science posts from your's truly! Huzzah!

Today we're talking about band theory and how it affects the colors of metals. Band theory explains a ton of things about metals, including electrical and thermal conductivity, but we won't be discussing that. We're strictly about the color, yo.

Imagine, if you will, 2 copper atoms just hanging about, doing their thing. As long as the atoms stay far enough apart from each other, the electrons of each atom occupy specific energy levels within the atom's orbital levels. When our two copper atoms get closer together, the two separate atoms become one 2-atom system, which, more importantly, means that we now have twice as many electrons that have to be arranged. In order to occupy all of these new electrons, the orbitals of each isolated atom have to split. Two atoms, mean twice as many orbitals. 5 atoms means 5x as many orbitals. Once you have enough atoms together to make up a solid, the number of orbital levels gets to be amazingly huge, which means that the energy difference between the levels is amazingly small. To quote Halliday and Resnick, "in this way, each level of the isolated atom becomes a band of levels in the solid". It is the movement of electrons between and within these bands that help define things like electrical conductivity and color.

Each metal has what is called the Fermi Level. At a temperature of absolute zero, the Fermi Level, which occurs mid-band by the way, is the highest occupied level in a metal. Above the Fermi Level, there are no electrons, below it, are all sorts of electrons. Because this level is mid-band, electrons can move above the Fermi Level when agitated. When an electron jumps from below this level, to above the level, you now have a negatively charged electron above the level and a postively charged hole below the level. These two particles, for lack of a better word, move in opposite directions and lo, we have an electric current.

When light strikes a metal, the electrons on the surface of the metal absorb the light as energy, become agitated and jump levels. By absorbing this light, alternating electric currents are generated on the metal's surface, by the method described above. These currents immediately cause the light to be re-emitted (remember that if an electron absorbs energy to jump a level, it must emit the same amount of energy to go back to its original level) and this causes the shiny surface you see on metals. The color of metal is a result of how efficient the light absorption is at all the energy levels. If all of a metal's energy levels absorb light with equal efficiency, the light will all be re-emitted and you get a silvery polish. Gold, for example, loses efficiency as the energy levels increase, causing an absorption of light at the blue end of the spectrum, hence the yellow color. Ditto for copper and its resulting orange color.

See, it's simple! And here you were all worried for nothing. Next week is the last topic on this discussion and is pretty damn big. I don't think I'll have to split it into 2 parts, but I'll wait and see. Try and contain your excitement.

Sources:
WebExhibits - Causes of Color
Wikipedia - Band Structure
Wikipedia - Fermi Surface
Georgia Mineral Society, Inc - Color in Minerals - Doug Daniels
Fundamentals of Physics, 4th Edition - David Halliday, Robert Resnick, Jearl Walker, 1993, John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

Oblivion

First of all, I need to apologize to my wife. Since I purchased Oblivion for the 360 last week, it's all I talk about. She's so sick of me talking about it, that when I do, I need to preface the discussion with a guarantee that I won't talk about it any more on that particular day. I've also been bad about stopping play at the appointed time so that she and I can watch TV or do whatever. It's getting to the point where I need to set the clock in the basement to be 10 minutes ahead, so that I can stop playing on time.

I haven't been sucked into a game so completely in a really, really long time. Sure, I've played a lot of games where I look forward to playing them, or even think about them a little when not playing them, to work out a particularly engaging puzzle or situation, but this game has seeped into my soul. I think about it constantly. When I'm not thinking about it, I'm discussing it with folks online. When I'm not discussing it, I'm reading different tips about it. Basically, when I'm not playing it, I'm just looking forward to when I can play it again. It doesn't help that I haven't played a good RPG in a while. It also doesn't help that I have a limited amount of time to play each night (usually around an hour) and that my alotted time goes by in the blink of an eye. What I need is someone to pay me to play the game all day. Then I'd just be upset that I had to stop to interact with my loved ones. Curses! There's no winning!

It's just that the game is so damn good. I mean, it's a really impressive piece of gaming, both in design and implementation. There's so much to do, and there's no rush to do things, so you can just hang back and take care of whatever you want to. Granted, the lack of a rush does seem odd, as the basis of the story is that your world is facing some unspeakable evil that you are now instrumental in stopping. To be given such a responsibility and then, upon emerging from your first dungeon, get sidetracked by picking flowers seems odd. I'm not complaing, as I like picking flowers, and have even come up with my own version of V8 (tomato + potato + leek + carrot = a restore fatigue potion), but it does seem strange. If you're a real go-getting kind of person, you can save the world first, and then make juice drinks, but I'm just not that kind of person. My badass lizard dude needs to get down with his botanical self before he takes on saving the universe.

So far I've joined the Thieves Guild, have joined the Mages Guild and am trying to join some wacky Brotherhood that likes killing people in their sleep. Kind of like the tooth fairy, where they take lives instead of teeth and leave misery instead of quarters. They may leave misery and quarters, I don't know. I haven't read all of the brochures yet. In looking at my Gamer Card, it would appear that I also joined some sort of fighting Arena, which I only vaguely remember. I should probably look into that. I'd hate to be on the Homecoming committee or something and not know it. I refuse to make banners.

Based on my decision to surround myself with thieves and murders, you can tell that I'm going down a darker path than usual. The thievery isn't anything new, as traditionally, I strive to lighten the pockets of my neighbors, but killing people in their sleep is a recent development. I find that being evil provides me with a lot more leeway in how to get things done, which can lead to some interesting situations. For example, currently I'm under contract by this crazy dude who thinks that his neighbors are spying on him. He approached me, and not wanting to turn down an opportunity to fleece an obvious lunatic, I entered into his employ and spent some time watching his neighbors. The local militia also approached me about turning this guy in, in the event that he asked me to do anything nutty, but where's the fun in that? When I report back to the guy, I lie and tell him that his neighbors are, in fact spying on him, as it gets me paid, and it gets me more work. The problem is, is that now he wants me to go and kill one of these folks. I don't have a problem with killing people (in the game people, in the game) but I'm starting to get a little annoyed at being this guy's lackey. Plus, the last thing I need is for him to hire someone to come after me. I may just turn him in after all. Either that or I'll pick a fight, put him down and loot his corpse. I haven't decided yet. Had I been a good, upstanding member of society, I would have turned him in the minute he opened his mouth, which would have been a lot less interesting.

I should admit that I haven't been playing in a totally honest manner. There's an exploit in the game that can net you a substantial amount of cash, if you're content to spend 20 minutes furiously mashing a button. You also have to be OK with breaking into someone's house at night and killing them, so those roleplaying good characters need not apply. I'm not one to cheat in games, usually, except with FPS's, and then it's to hurry up and get the game over with so I can see how it ends, and not so that I can try and brag to my friends that I beat Doom 3. They don't care, and neither do I. Oh sure, if I get stuck in a quest, I'll go online and see what I'm supposed to do, but using such an exploit to obtain such riches is not something I've done before. The reason I did it is to buy my way out of my obsessive compulsive behavior. When I play these kinds of games, I will take everything that isn't nailed down, in an effort to hoard as much money as possible. Invariably, I end the game with more money than I could ever use, but the compulsion remains. This also has the effect of causing me to continually head back to town so that I can sell the 5 pairs of clogs I found in some random crate. By having a nice nest egg at home, I can ignore the 3 bolts of cloth at 1 gold piece each, or the green shirt that would fetch a hefty 3 bucks. Don't get me wrong, I still loot for weapons and armor, as that shit is money, and I still steal everything I can get my hands on, as that helps me in the Guild, but now when looting corpses, I can avoid taking every last piece of clothing and at least leave them with some dignity. Them and me. The nice thing about the game, is that the merchants won't sell you an uber weapon if you're not the right level to handle it, so even with tons of cash in the bank, you're still limited to pretty basic stuff until you get farther in the game, and by then you would have had enough money to buy it anyways.

I hope that this initial burst of frantic activity and love isn't just because the game is new, and won't turn into tedium which then causes me to never finish the game. I tend to think not, as the game gives you glimpses of what you can do if only you get better at making potions, or stick some more zombies with arrows. At the very least, I can see the game being one that if I do get bored, I can put it down and then pick it up 3 months later and have it feel like an entirely new game, due to all of the quests I haven't done. Whatever happens, I need to make sure I stop talking about the game, as if I don't, Linda is going to kill me, and then how would I play it?

Freaky Friday

Not much to talk about today. Sadly, my life is consumed with video games at the moment and I talk about it enough as it is. My wife's eyes glaze over when I enter the room because she's afraid I'm going to keep blathering on about my badass ninja thief lizard dude.

In the meantime, Keg told me that I'd get lots of interesting emails if I showed a picture of my ass. I'm all for exciting conversation, so here goes:

Damn. That's sexy.

Chillin' like Chlorophyll'in

OK, so that is like the lamest title for a post ever, but I couldn't figure out a good title for a post about organic pigments. Should you have a better idea, let me know and I'll change the title.

Greetings Squaddies and welcome back. Before we continue our discussion on color, I'd like to give thanks to Andy for providing us with a wealth of topics to discuss after we're done talking about color. Everything from tattoos to humidity will be covered. We here at SuburbanJoe encourage that kind of curiosity and ask that you follow young Andrew's lead and ask the questions that keep you up at night. I'll even tackle personal questions, should you be so desperate for guidance that you want my advice.

Today we're going to discuss the impact of molecular bonds on color. This topic helps to explain the color of a whole bunch of organic compounds, and, as a result, lets you answer young Timmy when he asks why carrots are orange, leaves are green and indigo is, well, indigo. Personally, I think you should just tell Timmy to figure it out his own damn self, as that kid has serious motivational issues. Then again, if you want him living in your basement until he's 35, that's your business.

From our science classes in school, we know that leaves are green because of chlorophyll, which is essential for photosynthesis. What we don't know is why chlorophyll is green, which is what we're going to talk about now. There are actually several forms of chlorophyll, that differ in the amount of Hydrogen and Oxygen present, but structurally, are very similar. They all have a magnesium ion at the center, surrounded by 4 nitrogen ions, which are then surrounded by a ring of various carbon-oxygen-hydrogen combinations. Chrolophyll a, b and d also have a side chain of hydrogen-oxygen combos that chlorophyll c1 and c2 do not have. It is this aforementioned ring of carbon-oxygen-hydrogen combinations that we're most interested in.

This ring is held together by an alternating series of single and double bonds. Conceptually, you can look at it like this: in one place, carbon is bonded to it's neighbor by 2 electrons, but in the next bond, carbon is bonded with 4 electrons. In actuality, the "extra" electrons aren't confined to a particular carbon to carbon bond but instead are donated to a molecular orbital that envelops the entire molecule. These electrons help provide the structure of the molecule. Also, because they are free to roam around, they are also free to absorb energy and be kicked up to a new orbital of higher energy. As we've seen in the past, the absorbed energy can be light in the visible spectrum, and this is exactly what happens in this case.

The amount of energy that can be absorbed depends on the number of alternating single/double bonds that are present. Green plants appear green, because the two chlorophyll compounds present, chlorophyll a and chlorophyll b, absorb different parts of the visible spectrum, due to their different structure. A absorbs more in the red part of the spectrum, b absorbs more in the blue part of the spectrum. Between the two of them, the only part of the spectrum that comes through is green, hence green leaves. As time goes on, and the leaves age, the cholorophyll begins to break down and change structure. This change in structure results in a change in color. Similarly, when you cook vegetables, the heat causes a change in structure, which then causes a change in color.

The reason behind chlorophyll's color can also be used to explain the color of various organic compounds like carotene (makes carrots orange) and indigo (makes blue jeans blue). Here's something you might find interesting, I know I did. When denim is dyed blue, using indigo, the indigo molecules don't bind to the fibers, but instead get stuck between the fibers. When these fibers are then agitated, as in the washing machine, the fibers rub together and out comes the indigo, hence the fading of blue jeans. See what I did there? I gave you a twofer. Now when Timmy asks why his jeans faded, you can answer that question too. You're welcome.

Next week we'll talk about why metals are the color they are. With all this excitement, I'm amazed you can make it through the week without exploding. Maybe you can't. If not, you have my condolences.

Sources
Kimball's Biology Pages - Chlorophylls and Carotenoids
Wikipedia - Chlorophyll
Wikipedia - Indigo Dye
David Daughenbaugh - Chemistry of Fading
WebExhibits - Pigment Through the Ages, Indigo
WebExhibits - Causes of Color

Meh.

I am in a mood today. This mood can be described as grumpy or pissy depending on you level of tolerance for such feelings. For the record, my level is rather low, so in effect, I'm continually annoying myself. These days rarely balance themselves out with a deluge of good fortune in the later hours, so I think the best I can hope for is to continue to bear the brunt of life's annoyances until I go to bed, content that tomorrow is another day. At worst I'll be hit by a bus.

Today's post is going to be about some gaming things in general as my mood is making me shy away from coherency. I have another episode of Ghost Recon Theatre milling about in my brain, but I need to do some research first. I feel that my story, as it is currently plotted, is rife with inconsistencies. I am loathe to publish it in it's current form, lest I be accused of either lying, or poor researching, by the GRAW fans that would, no doubt, descend on this site like a hoard of locusts.

Before we start, though, allow me to recant a tale of my earlier errands. While at the bank today, I saw a poster soliciting donations, in the form of purchaseable, sneaker shaped pieces of paper, for the March of Dimes. The tag line was something like "Buy a sneaker and save some babies." The slogan itself wasn't interesting, so much as the implied alternative. As if you didn't purchase a sneaker, you were damning babies to certain doom. I also liked how the slogan made it seem so simple, like it was the easiest thing in the world to slap down a fiver, and BAM, just like that, babies the world over were saved. In my mind, I pictured myself buying a sneaker, and the bank teller would look over her shoulder and nod to a nurse who is holding a sickly infant. The nurse would then inject said infant with a subtance that would cause the child to quickly regain color and mobility, and it would bound out the door, to live life anew. In my mind, the substance was blue and glowing, signifying that it was of either extraterrerstrial or radioactive origin.

I think that they should post these signs next to the vending machines at work, so that you can feel guilty for buying snack cakes on multiple levels, both caloric and charitable. In that context, the unspoken slogan would be "Enjoy your twinkies you dirty baby hater." After the bank, I went to the grocery store, where they hawk Shamrocks for Jerry's Kids. The child in that poster seemed pretty happy. Perhaps she's accepted her fate of being afflicted with MS. Perhaps she just has a cold. At any rate, her smiling face said to me that even if I decided not to buy a Shamrock, perhaps because I was buying Ritz Bits crackers instead, it wasn't a big deal and I shouldn't feel bad about it. It's not like Jerry Lewis had a gun to her head as if to say, "Buy a shamrock or the kid gets it." For the record, I purchased neither Shamrocks nor Ritz Bits crackers, however now I'm regretting not purchasing the latter.

After spending a fair amount of time with the title, I'm content in stating that Burnout: Revenge provides the most amount of fun you can have on the 360. You can take this as a matter of opinion, but I'm rarely wrong in these areas, so put up yout token resistance so that you can feel better about yourself, and then just go out and buy it. My initial distaste for the Crash Junctions has been replaced with glee. Now that I am free from the shackles of the multipliers, I am reveling in destructive freedom. Last week, despite getting a gold medal in a Junction, I immediately did it again, because the post carnage flyby showed a gaggle of buses snickering at my inability to paint them in destructive finery. I remedied that with a quickness. They snicker in hell now.

It took me some time to realize that there was subtle in-game advertising, which means that the advertising is either doing its job extremely well, or not very well at all. I first noticed the advertising when I unlocked a Hardees burger van as a Crash Junction vehicle, then I saw Hardees billboards everywhere. I think it's funny that real life car manufacturers won't allow their cars to be used in a game that builds puzzles out of vehicular homicide, but Hardees is like "Sign us up!" Then again, after watching them unleash various Monster Thickburgers on us, I think it's clear that Hardees won't rest until we're all snuggled deep in our graves.

I think it's odd that whenever the notion of violent videogames is raised, the Burnout series never gets a mention. I'm assuming that it's because those incensed about the issue just pass Burnout off as a racing game. Either that, or they believe that the cars in the game are all piloted by faceless automotons, programmed to just drive around, all for our amusement. Here's something that's fun to do as you go through a Crash Junction. After your car smashes into a fuel tanker that subsequently explodes, imagine that the van next to it is filled with a vacationing family of 6. It's a hoot!

Oblivion drops tomorrow, which means that the anal retentive side of me will be in full swing as I try to complete every quest available. I have no idea what kind of person I'm going to be. Usually I try to be a thief with a heart of gold, but only because there's no option to be a hooker with a similarly gilded organ. I know that Andy is going to be an evil Battlemage. He likes being evil because he can do things in game that he can't do in real life. Well, that and his soul is as black as night. Kidding! I always try to be evil but then there's a quest where I'm supposed to kick a puppy and I just feel too bad to carry it out. I don't know all of the character types, so it's hard to make a determination quite yet, but I think I'm going to really try to be evil this time, or at least mildly dishonest, like I'd take a penny, but I'd never leave one in return.

With Oblivion coming out, that probably means the end of multiplayer Ghost Recon for some time. That's too bad because I was wracking up achievement points willy-nilly. Yes, some of them I rigged the game to get, but the one where I got 30 multiplayer kills in a match before getting killed was 100% earned. It's easy, from this achievement, to think that I'm some sort of bad-ass GRAW ninja or something, however there are a multitude of cooperative multiplayer modes that pit you and your crew against throngs of floppy-hatted banditos. Should your host set up one of these matches with infinite enemies, and you can take your M60, with it's hojillion rounds per second rate of fire, and lay down in the tall grass with it, you too can kill several dozen banditos before taking an errant round in the brainpan. That's not to say that I'm not a badass though, as many the time in Friday night's matches did I find myself on top of the leaderboards with my high number of dispatched banditos. Should you be of the mind to get the 100 headshots achievements, simply follow my previous advice and aim higher. After several matches, you too will appear to be a killing machine, hell bent on destruction. It won't be long before Hardees is seeking your services.

Finally, I was in Target this weekend, it being a staple of any Cackowski-Schnell weekend, and I saw a young lad with his DS attached to his ear, as if he was using it as a cellphone. My first instinct was to knock him to the ground and take the handheld, to see if he had managed to get a prerelease copy of Metroid Prime: Hunters, it making use of Voice over IP for in-game chatting. The only thing that stopped myself was my next thought which was that if I try to use the in-game chatting in such a capacity, I'm going to look like a fucking retard. By the time both thoughts passed, he was gone with his mother, no doubt to buy cargo shorts, floor cleaner and Pringles. Tomorrow I hope to have the game in my sweaty paws, which makes it much easier to live with my decision to not commit a very public form of child abuse. Had this been last month, that fucker would have been toast.

A Little Friday Poetry

My dog has taken up what I consider an amoral relationship with the tarp under the deck, currently being used to cover our bales of pinestraw. I thought it was just a passing fad, but I found this little masterpiece scrawled on the back of the dog biscuit box. I think it may be turning into something more serious. An intervention may be in order. At any rate, I'm passing it along for your consumption.

An Ode To A Tarp by Henry T. Cockapoo

I love you my tarp
so blue and crinkly
I long to hit you
With my long stinky pinky

How I longed for you
As you sat on the straw
But you never saw me
or noticed me at all

Then you beckoned me
with a fluttering corner
And I stuck my thumb in your plum
like little Jack Horner

Why should I listen
when they call me inside?
When I can be enjoying
The Big Blue Tarp Ride?

They don't understand us
What we have together
With you under the deck
I can hump in all kinds of weather.

It's sad this age
does not understand
the love and commitment
between a tarp and a man.

Worry not about pregnancy
For there is no risk
Several years ago
That bastard had me fixed.

Just say the word
And we'll run away
We'll live out in the country
And hump in the hay.

Or straw, or alfalfa
corn, peas or tomatoes
or covered in dirt
as we roll twixt potatoes.

It pains me at night
When we're forced apart
But know that I carry
your love in my heart.

I weep at the window
As the wind blows through the willows.
Then I go upstairs.
And fuck all the pillows.

Whoa! I think it's best if we just stop there. Enjoy the weekend.

Thank You John H. Van Vleck

Greetings Squaddies! Nice to see you again. I haven't mentioned it in some time, but I don't want you to think that I'm completely running the science show here. If you have a burning question, or some piece of the universe's grand puzzle is keeping you awake at night, simply leave it in the comments, or send me an email and we'll get working on it pronto. The email address is suburbanjoe - at - gmail - dot - com. I'm assuming you're smart enough to take that spam-unfriendly address and turn it into something useful on the intra-web. If not, well, I think we have our next post.

So, just who in the hell is John H. Van Vleck and why are we thanking him? Mr. Van Vleck was a Nobel Prize winning physicist who was primarily responsible for ligand field theory, an apect of which we're going to discuss today as we continue our journey through the various physical and chemical causes of color.

Before we can talk about ligand field theory, as it relates to color, that is, we have to talk about ligands. Our friends over at Wikipedia define a ligand as "an atom, ion or functional group that donates its electrons through a coordinate covalent bond to one or more central atoms or ions, usually metals." The important thing there is the donation of electrons. As you may remember from our previous discussion, when one is speaking of electrons, one is also speaking of energy levels, and we all know what happens when electrons start acting all crazy and messing around with their energy levels. That's right, color. Well, that and sweet, sweet, monkey lovin'.

Colored gemstones come about when an extremely hard mineral has a very small amount of impurity (usually around 1%) introduced into it. For example, lets look at corundum. Corundum, also known as Aluminum Oxide, is the second hardest substance known to you or I. When completely pure, corundum is colorless. Add some impurities, namely titanium and iron, and you get sapphires. Replace those impurities with chromium and you get a ruby. Chromium is also responsible for the green color of emeralds, however in the case of emeralds, the base mineral is Beryl, or Beryllium Aluminum Silicate. The difference in color, as a result of the difference in the reaction between chromium and corundum and between chromium and beryl, can be explained with ligand field theory. You had to know we'd get there eventually.

Corundum, by itself, is a somewhat messed up octahedron, with a chewy center of aluminum ions surrounded by oxygen ions. In this structure, all of the electrons are paired off, which means they're not free to jump energy levels, so no light is absorbed. Hence the colorless quality. Now, lets say that we replace 1% of those aluminum centers with chromium instead. Chromium by itself has 3 unpaired electrons, but they all occupy the same energy level, so again, no energy is absorbed and no color is produced. However, when chromium is introduced into the structure of corundum, the surrounding oxygen ions, our ligand field in this case, create such a tizzy that the normally staid energy level of the three unpaired chromium electrons is split into 2 different energy levels. The three unpaired chromium electrons are now free to jump between the 2 energy levels. And how do they do this? That's right, by absorbing light. The new split in energy levels is such that the chromium electrons can absorb both green and violet light. With these parts absorbed, that leaves the red part of the spectrum to shine through, hence a ruby's red color. When chromium interacts with beryl, the resulting energy level split is smaller, so the electrons can absorb the less energetic part of the spectrum, namely yellow-red and blue. As a result, the green light is allowed to come through, hence the emerald being the gem of choice for Leprechauns everywhere. Actually, that's not true. Everyone knows that the gem of choice for Leprechauns is the rare Purple Horseshoe.

It is important to note that while we're still dealing with electrons jumping energy levels, as with last week's post, the means of color generation as a result is different. In gas excitation, energy, usually electrical energy, causes the electrons to jump a state. They're not particularly happy about this, so when they come back down, they emit radiation in the visible spectrum. When speaking about gemstones, it is the light itself that is absorbed by the electron, which in turns allows for the jump in energy levels, a situation these electrons seem quite happy with. When the electrons absorb some of the light, the remaining parts of the spectrum is what then makes it to your eye. See, in one case, the electrons are emitting radiation in the visible spectrum (Neon signs) and in the other, the electrons are absorbing radiation in the visible spectrum (Emeralds). Emeralds and rubies aren't the only gems that get their color from the ligand field effect. Garnet, topaz, torquoise, tourmaline and many other gems that you've never heard of, but your significant other no doubt wants bestowed upon them as gifts, all get their color from the interaction between impurities and their base minerals.

It's all so fascinating I can barely stand it. Remember, when someone calls you dirty and impure, perhaps for your fascination with naked hamsters, remember that it is these impurities that allow your true colors to come shining through, like the dazzling ruby and the beautiful emerald. Except for you. You're just sick.

Next week: Molecular Orbits and You, Perfect Together

Sources:
Extreme Science - Gemstones
WebExhibits - Causes of Color
Wikipedia - Ligand Field Theory
Wikipedia - Ligand
BookRags.com - Ligand Field Theory
Encyclopædia Britannica Online - Ligand Field Theory
Encyclopædia Britannica Online - John H. Van Vleck

For the Want of Friendly Indicators...

This first part has nothing to do with gaming, but I thought it was funny. I bought a Kit Kat today, as it's my favorite candy bar, and the wrapped exclaimed "Now! Twice the Crisp!" There was also an asterisk pointing you to the disclaimer "as previous Kit Kat". I would think that disclaimer would be implied, as I wouldn't expect the Kit Kat people to be able to speak to the crispiness of non Kit Kat things like horses or your grandmother. I would love to see someone get into the label factory and mess up the disclaimer so that it said something like "as a dead wolverine" or "as your throbbing love muscle". I'd find that last one kind of hard to believe, because my love muscle is way crisp.

This Friday I spent a considerable amount of time playing Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter. Much fun was had by all, however the initial matches caused some confusion due to our host deciding to not turn on indicators that would allow you to know who to, and more importantly, who not to shoot. I have taken this experience and framed it in a compelling narrative. Our players are Sgt. Andrews, Private Davis and Private Jackson. All names have been changed to protect the innocent. Also, I have no idea what the rank structure is in the Army, or if the Ghost Recon people are even in the Army, or instead in some souped up offshoot of the Coast Guard.

The setting: a war torn land near you. Sgt. Andrews and Private Davis are awaiting the arrival of the rest of their squad as they begin carrying out their mission to neutralize the other team.

Davis: Sir, there's something wrong with my HUD sir!
Andrews: What is is Private?
Davis: My friendly indicators aren't working sir. I don't know who to shoot at.
Andrews: Your HUD is fine son. I turned the indicators off.
Davis: But sir, how will we know who to shoot, sir?
Andrews: They're wearing gray camo.
Davis: We're wearing gray camo, sir.
Andrews: Yes, but their camo is dark gray. Our's is light gray.
Davis: It's nighttime, sir.
Andrews: And?
Davis: And it's raining, sir.
Andrews: Then use your night vision son!
Davis: Then everyone will be white, sir.
Andrews: You'll figure it out.
Jackson: Private Jackson reporting for du--
Andrews: AAAHHHH!!! (BRRAAAPPPP!!!) Got you, you enemy son of a bitch!
Davis: That was Jackson, sir.
Andrews: Who's Jackson?
Davis: He's on our team, sir. Note the light gray camo.
Andrews: Huh.
Davis: *sigh* No matter, sir. Once he respawns he'll make his way over here.
Andrews: ...
Davis: Sir?
Andrews: ...
Davis: You turned off respawns, didn't you, sir?
Andrews: They're a crutch!
Davis: Permission to speak freely, sir?
Andrews: Are you going to say somehing bad?
Davis: Most likely, yes.
Andrews: Denied. Wait? What's that? They're here! Quick, get on the ground with me behind this rock!
Davis: Kill me now.
Andrews: (WHACK!)
Davis: Why are you hitting the wall with your head sir?
Andrews: (WHACK!) I'm (WHACK!) trying (WHACK!) to (WHACK!) peek (WHACK!) up (WHACK!) from (WHACK!) behind (WHACK!) cover. (WHACK!) Ow.
Davis: That's the single player game sir. This is multiplayer. In multiplayer, if you push up on the control stick when behind cover, you'll just -
Andrews: (WHACK!)
Davis: - hit your head, sir.
Andrews: Huh. Hey! What's that thing up there?
Davis: That's their drone, sir.
Andrews: What does it do?
Davis: It tells them that we're right here, not moving, and ripe for the taking, sir.
Andrews: Huh. Where's our drone?
Davis: You sent it out for pizza and they shot it down, sir.
Andrews: Right. 10 million dollars, and they can't program it to find a Papa John's. Damn those D.O.D. Poindexters!
Davis: Yes sir. Look, sir, they'll be right on top of us any moment now. We should think about moving out.
Andrews: Look! There's someone else from our squad! Sean! Hey, Sean! Hey, stop shooting at me, I'm on your team!
Davis: He isn't on our team, sir?
Andrews: Sure he is, Private! Look at his dark gray cam- (BLAM!)

Gripping stuff! Remember kids, if you want to be sure who to shoot, be sure to turn on friendly indicators. Don't worry about enemy indicators, because those are for pussies. Until next time, ready up and move out!

Book Review

No toddler tales today, however I'm working on a love story about a dog, a tarp, and an uncaring society that doesn't understand the depth of feelings between the two. Instead I thought I'd do a mini review of a book I just finished. Usually I don't review books here, but I thought that the folks who read this site might enjoy this one. That and I want something easy to post about. Laziness, thy name is Brandon.

The Ghost Brigades - John Scalzi

I honestly don't know where I first heard about John Scalzi, but I've been reading his Whatever site for years now. John is an excellent writer and while I don't always agree with him, I always find him entertaining. 9 times out of 10, I do agree with him, which helps, but the other 1 time, it's worth reading anyways. His is an interesting tale of how writing online helped him with getting a book deal from Tor. It's not quite that simple, as he had several books published prior to getting his Sci-Fi work published with Tor, however writing online helped considerably. I'll leave it to you to go and learn about the particulars, as I'd only get them wrong anyways.

"The Ghost Brigades" (TGB) is the second in a loose trilogy of books, "Old Man's War" (OMW) being the first. I say "loose" as I think that anyone can jump into TGB without having read OMW and be able to understand 90% of what's going on. There is some character overlap, and the universe is the same, but don't be frightened off by jumping right in with TGB. Of course, John certianly wouldn't mind if you went back and purchased OMW as well, but that's between you and your wallet.

TGB is set in the future and Earth, having long run out of space, has started the process of colonizing other planets. Like all good colonial empires, they're not alone in the need for extra space, and have found that there are plenty of other alien races eyeing the various hunks of real estate scattered throughout the galaxy. To protect the colonists, the Colonial Defense Force has come up with an ingenious way of combining the experience and knowledge of older folks with the atheleticism and quick reflexes of the young. As folks on earth approach their golden years, they enlist in the CDF. At the time of paper signing, the CDF collect genetic material from the new recruits. After the papers are signed, the recruits go about their lives until they reach their 75th birthday. At that point, they're whisked away from Earth, never to return, and their consciousness is transplanted into a new, augmented body which has been grown from their previously collected genetic material. Their bodies have SmartBlood (TM) to help with clotting and resisting disease, various strength and speed upgrades and an integrated computer known as the BrainPal (TM). Recruits who die prior to reaching their 75th birthday have their genetic material used to create even more highly augmented Special Forces soldiers, known to the "realborn" as the Ghost Brigades.

TGB's premise is a pretty cool one. Charles Boutin is a traitor in the Colonial Defense Force's midst, who has allied himself with 3 alien races, all hell bent on destroying the CDF. In trying to hide his tracks, Boutin created a clone of himself and killed it off, thereby giving the illusion of his demise. Prior to killing off the clone, he created a copy of his consciousness, complete with memory and motivations for his traitorous acts, and this copy is discovered by the CDF. The CDF decide to create a Special Forces soldier from Boutin's genetic material, and "downloading" Boutin's consciousness to it, so that they can determine Boutin's plan and motivations for turning. Thus, Jared Dirac is born. While the transfer is a success, the memories aren't there at first so Jared goes about being a "normal" Special Forces soldier, that is until Boutin's memories and motivations begin to surface.

My biggest complaint with "Old Man's War" was that it was too explainy. The various scientific concepts that underlie Scalzi's take on the universe were often explained in characters' conversations with each other. This seemed very forced to me, and pulled me out of what was otherwise outstanding, and often times humorous, dialog. Thankfully, any explaining that needs to be done in "The Ghost Brigades" is done by your friend and mine, the omniscient narrator. This helps the flow of the book immensely, and I never felt that the explanations got in the way of the narrative.

If you want long, flowery descriptions of people and places, Scalzi is not your guy. The dialog is crisp and flows well. Action scenes are well written with a lot of punch and just the right amount of detail. Scalzi allows a lot to be left to the reader's imagination, which to me, shows a certain respect to the reader, as if he's saying "go ahead, make up whatever picture you want, it's all good". Too many times, I think that writers get hung up on describing everything to where it makes reading too damn tiring. Where detail is needed, it's provided, other than that, it's the story that fills the pages, not a bunch of extra adjectives.

Character development is handled well, with just the right amount for the supporting cast to do their jobs effectively but not bog the reader down with pages and pages of backstory. Main character are, of course, fleshed out much more than the supporting cast. I never found myself questioning the motivations of anyone in the book or saying "he would never do that".

My only gripe with the book, is that I wanted more of an ending. It's a short jump from the big reveal (which kicked ass) to the end, and I wanted more there. It's not that the ending was bad, it's more that the big reveal led to another big reveal which I would have liked to see more done with. It is a trilogy though, so I'm sure that the info was just groundwork for the sequel, however for my tastes, I would have liked a little more in this book. The pacing of the ending seemed at odds with the pacing with the rest of the book, like it was sped up for the end. As I said before, it's not an unsatisfying ending, and it certainly did it's job in making me want to read the next book, but I would have liked a little more development there. I know, bitch, bitch, bitch.

There also seems to be a strange preoccupation with sex, which I found odd. Other than the classic Sci-Fi books (Ender's Game, Foundation) and the New Jedi Order books, I don't read Sci-Fi, so maybe it's common and I just don't know about it. On the other hand, the Star Wars books are sexless to the point of lunacy. How Han Solo and Leia had three kids when they obviously never touch each other is beyond me. I guess I can't fault Scalzi too much, as if were presented with a being who was genetically engineered to live in space, it wouldn't take me too long to start wondering how they "do it".

The universe that Scalzi has set up is a really interesting one, and lends itself to a myriad of stories should he want to return to it after these initial three books. Personally, I'd love to see how he'd do an ultra-ultra Special Forces soldier, a la Sam Fisher in the Splinter Cell games. That dude(tt) would be bad ass. They'd probably be able to shoot lasers from their genitals or something.

Bottom line is that this is a very enjoyable, well thought out, entertaining read. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to folks that are Sci-Fi junkies as well as people who like good stories, and are open minded to the Sci-Fi genre. The concepts discussed in the book leave things for you to think about after you've turned the last page, and the plotting and action makes you want to read more of the universe that Scalzi has created. Personally, I can't wait for the BrainPal. Tetris on that thing must be amazing.