Monday, January 05, 2009

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year fellow Earthlings! For those of you beaming in from Zelbarg, Happy Day of Ultimate Exfoliation! That's a loose translation. The Zelbargians don't have a proper skin, so it's kind of hard to come up with a direct parallel in our Earth Speech. Regardless, those Zelbargians will be getting down with some pretty hot and heavy mitosis tonight, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.


Seriously though, I hope that your holiday season was a good one and that you did whatever you wanted to, or got whatever you wanted or generally was pleased with the outcome of whatever holiday shenanigans you take part in. Hopefully that's vague enough to cast a net over all possible positive outcomes from the past two weeks. Bonus if you got laid. Extra bonus if it was with someone that you wanted to get laid with. Get laid on? What the hell is the right preposition for that proposition?

Ok, I'm rambling.

2008 was a pretty good year from me. I lost 20 pounds and kept both of my jobs as well as my spouse. Any one who has spent an appreciable amount of time with me would understand just how much of a chore it can be to persist in my presence, so the fact that both my place of employment and my wife decided to stick with me for another year are big, big wins. GameShark is similarly enthused with my work, despite my pathological need to separate every other word with a comma, and a complete and utter refusal to learn the rules for "it's" and "its". It's not that I don't know the rules. I just feel that rules are for lesser writers.

Other than continued health for all, the only thing I really want out of 2009 is progress towards Abby's laundry list of problems. 2008 was a very frustrating year as we bounced from doctor to doctor, all in the pursuit of getting her to eat and to stop biting other children. I know that these are seemingly at odds with each other, but we're not interested in raising a cannibal here. The end of the year appeared to bring major progress in that it appears that she can't be at a normal daycare center and instead needs to be enrolled in a special education class offered by the county, complete with door to door short bus service. This is good for a number of reasons, namely that we won't have to pay for private daycare any longer and I can make retard jokes with impunity. Tee-hee-hee. We're still not sure what's going on, nor do we have any idea what happens in the summer when schools are closed (her class would be part of the county school system) if "normal" daycare isn't an option, but hopefully we'll learn all of these things soon.

She has been eating more, which is good, especially given that we've been paying out of pocket for the therapy sessions. For the record, Cigna is still the shittiest health insurance company ever, and if you work for Cigna, even as a janitor, I hope your dick falls off. If you're a woman, I hope that you grow a dick and that it then falls off. Abby still hasn't added any new foods to her repertoire, but trust me, her adding old foods back in is significant progress. Maybe by the end of the year, she can chew and swallow half of an egg noodle in under 5 minute's time. This too would be progress. No bullshit.

For all of you, I hope that 2009 is the year that all of your dreams come true, or at least, the shattering of so many dreams that accompany us all as we grimly march towards death is kept to a minimum.

A pony would also work.


Booster MPS said...

I certainly hope the best for you and your family in 2009. Having a little one with challenges like that is tough - she needs a lot of love.

Greg said...

Glad to hear that Abby's making progress - some is better than nothing. If it's any concession, my younger brother was a super super picky eater when he was a kid. At Thanksgiving, I distinctly remember him eating only bread and cranberry sauce. He's since discovered that he is a supertaster, and blames his erstwhile pickiness on that. Today, he's muscled like a character from the XMen and is a personal trainer and amateur dietitian. Perhaps Abby will someday have a huge turnaround like that.